Good morning readers. Thanks for coming by for a read.
After I finished my morning download ritual this morning and prepared to go outdoors to bring up Old Sol and turn out the chickens I checked Ask Old Jules Biggest Regret? to see which of my brainstorms of the past she’s picked for the day. I take a lot of things about myself for granted and occasionally one of my answers rattles me a bit, gets me asking questions about me and what makes me tick. This morning is one of those.
Sitting out there under the tree I found myself asking, “What in the dickens is wrong with me that I feel so content and can’t come up with anything to regret? It ain’t as though I haven’t gone the last mile to assure myself of plenty any sane person would prefer to be otherwise.”
I can’t guess how many people live the way I do, close to the cuff, physically having to force myself to maintain a comfort range that includes whatever the Universe tossed my way. Probably a lot do in the poorer countries, but likely not too many within the boundaries of the US. But when I see some evidence of them, I generally find myself on the edge of feeling sorry for them.
But meanwhile, I’m about as content, almost euphoric about my own life most of the time as a person could be. Yeah, there are nagging things need doing, need changing, forever being pushed forward in time for one reason or another because of limited options. But they whisper from the wings and mostly I don’t pay them any mind.
“Would I like, or trust someone like me if I came across him?” That’s what I finally found myself asking. And the answer’s a bit confusing to me. “No,” I’m forced to admit, “I probably wouldn’t. How the hell could you trust someone like that? “
“So, do you want to change it?”
“I’d hate to. I’m more-or-less fond of being happy. But it might be better to cultivate some regrets, some yank-your-heart-out-things I wish I’d done differently. This satisfaction thing can be taken too far.”
Cultivating regrets, yearnings, deep feelings of loss might just be what it takes to live a life of fulfillment. It would open the door to finding things to be scared of, frightened they’d happen. Angry because they did, or didn’t.