Category Archives: Military

The Who-Ya-Gonna-Kill-Next Lottery tickets on sale at your Army Recruiter

Hi readers.  Back in the summer of 1961 the Rooskies were building the Berlin Wall and naturally we were all scared shitless they’d be wanting France or Britain next.  Because we were all dumber than cluckshit and we believed what the US government told us.

Anyway, July 1961, I was feeling patriotic as hell, wanted to kill me some young Russian guys.  Maybe shoot them, blow their damned brains from hell to breakfast.  Or maybe stab them with a bayonet close up, personal and bloody.  So I joined the US Army figuring they were the only branch of the service that actually rubbed up against Rooskies.

Damned Navy guys just floated around safely out in the ocean in ships loaded up with guns and munitions, never get a shot at a single Rooskie, most likely.  And the Air Force guys trained with .22 caliber rifles.  Jeeze.  Whoooo wants to shoot a damned Russian kid with a .22?  Stupid damned Air Force guys didn’t even march around carrying full field packs.

And the US Marines sounded okay, but how the hell would a Marine get all the way over to where there were Rooskies to be killed?  Ivan was going to be trying to hide behind that Berlin Wall.  Getting at him would be a job for good old American dogfaces, climbing over that wall and charging into machine guns aimed by Rooskie kids.  The best a Marine could hope for was maybe getting a chance to kill a Chinaman.

Whell hayuls bayuls!  I spent three years, went through the Cuban Missile Crisis, sea cruised to Japan and Korea and back, and never got to kill nobody, and especially not some Rooskie teenager with a bayonet nor hand grenade.

So I came home and the Vietnam War geared up, and I got out.  The guys who went in just after I did ended up killing all manner of brown people who didn’t need killing, but no damned Rooskies.  Nor Chinamen, either.

Later on guys volunteered to go kill brown people in wossname, Kuwait, Iraq, and that other place over there, Africanistan?  Something along those lines, anyway.  But the Rooskies had donealready pulled all their teenagers back inside their boundaries and good American boys couldn’t get at them.

But there’s still hope.  Some damned warlord over there is making a nuisance of himself and threatening to send some teenagers off to get their asses blown away, and the guy, wossname, in the White House is making noises suggesting he might lie claiming those Rooskie kids need killing.

He ought to have a belly full of killing brown people by now.  Rooskie white kids would be a refreshing change.  And meanwhile there’s that hodgepodge thing going on over in Western Iraq and Syria where the sky’s the limit.  Hells bells, just kill anythng that moves and you’ll hit someone who hates our guts.  Because we’ve probably blown the legs off their relatives one-time-or-another.

As a backup plan, if our boys run out of people to drop explosives on, there’s always white people living in Israel, but they’re harder targets, hiding in colonies over in Palestine.
Old Jules

 

 

 

The dual-citizenship US/Israeli friend to So Far From Heaven

Perhaps you readers will find this anecdote interesting and edifying.  I certainly do.

So Far From Heaven blog has a reader and sometimes commenter who holds dual US/Israeli citizenship.  Not to suggest it’s unusual.  I might be the only US citizen alive who doesn’t hold dual Israeli citizenship.

But this So Far From Heaven reader is special.  Back during the Vietnam War, maybe 1966-67, he adopted Judaism and fled to Israel to avoid the draft.  Became a weaponry salesman for Israel, maybe to Israel, probably helping them furnish weapons for every drug lord in South America.

And a thoroughly interesting, admirably loyal [to Israel] US citizen. http://leanpower.wordpress.com/

Yeah, this guy was a sight to behold back in the day.  Running along the railroad tracks with a backpack full of rocks in training for the Israeli army when he arrived in Israel sometime hence.  He knew if he became an Israeli he’d have to be in the military, but Israel never loses anyone in their wars.

Tens of thousands of casualties in the armed forces the Israeli military attacks by surprise and defeats.  A few hundred Israeli casualties.  Fell off trucks or something, most likely, or accidentally shot themselves.

Look up the statistics on every Israel war if you don’t believe me.  Any one.  Take your pick.  Look at the Israeli casualty counts, and the body counts of the countries they attacked.  Including the USS Liberty.  No Israeli casualties on that surprise attack on a US warship lasting several hours.  Not one.

Obviously our Israeli/US citizen reader/draft-dodger knew that.  He picked a winner for a country he could ‘serve’ in complete safety.  And when it was all over he came back to the Good Old US of A to buy and sell big guns.

They’re everywhere.  Even here on So Far From Heaven.

Old Jules

They’re accusing him of plagiarizing from Martin Luther King’s doctoral dissertation

Hi readers.   Thanks for coming by for a read.

The plot thickens on the politician wannabe in Montana who coincidently used identical words, sentences, paragraphs and phrases that had been used before.  The paper, The Case for Democracy as a National Strategy, was also similar in content to  approximately one point seven million [1,700,000] papers written by high school seniors during the past seventy years.  As well as 90 million [90,000,000] papers written by university freshmen for Government 101 and Political Science 101 courses.

Back when Martin Luther King was a young man doing his doctoral dissertation he encountered approximately the same phenomenon, though nobody much remembers it nowadays.  King’s dissertation was found to contain huge amounts of text previously written verbatim in dissertations earlier by doctoral candidates.  And like the guy from Montana, King didn’t want to bog himself down by identifying in footnotes all the people who coincidently had been inspired to the same choice of words and thoughts as his own.

By the time the anomaly was discovered in the academic community Dr. King was a big item on the Civil Rights scene in the US [probably which is the reason it was discovered at all].  And academic reviewers were forced to conclude coincidences happen.  Huge, 30-40% or more of the document verbatim coincidences.

Well, I don’t know what the Montana guy thinks about Civil Rights.  And I honestly am appalled the Army War College is accepting papers from anyone on the subject of,  The Case for Democracy as a National Strategy.  In this instance the similar verbage found itself dually existing in the Montana guy’s paper, and a paper put together by some national think-tank foundation a few years earlier.  Probably the Montanan believed nobody anywhere would have read it, and in a better world, he’d have been right in thinking so.

Maybe he just got caught up in some statistical thing being done by institutions of higher learning, scanning the web to discover how many doctoral dissertations across the country were composed of identical text from that particular document without being cited.  And once they discovered a few thousand masters theses and doctoral dissertations were founded on identical text not cited from the think-tank, they concluded someone had to be made an example of.

Someone safe, not from a top-drawer university, someone white from someplace where people go to South Dakota wintertimes for the warmer weather.  The Army War College and Montana seemed right.  And after all, this guy already had a claim to victimhood with his post-traumatic-stress-syndrome.

They threw the word ‘honor’ in there somewhere, but the whole issue of honor went away a longish time ago around the time Martin Luther King was doing his doctoral dissertation.  Honor’s just something high-ranking soldiers use to justify following orders to bomb civilian populations and whatnot.  A thing of the past.

Old Jules

Some Dick in Montana couldn’t think of anything original to say about war.

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.  Let’s face it.  I’ll say with complete candor that the Army War College has been pestering the hell out of me for a long time to write something original for them so’s to get all this losing wars all the time fixed.  Naturally I’d like to do it, but every time I write a page I discover Robert Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, George Patton or come Chinaman or German already said it.  It’s lucky I’ve read so much of what they all wrote, or I might have fired off my own original words to the War College only to find out afterward I was saying what Dwight David Eisenhower donealready said already without citing my source.

So this dick running for the US Senate in Montana turned in his work at the Army War College and whooooooops!  Surprise!  Someone else donealready said it.  And Montana residents, almost all of whom have never had an original thought during the entire span of their lives, are pissed.

Montana veterans, especially.  Whatever the hell veterans think they might know about originality, war, or much anything else that someone [they can't even remember who] didn’t tell them or they read somewhere questionable.  They’d need to punctuate every sentence, every piece of every sentence with [I heard that from Charlie down at the sewer plant, or my 3rd grade teacher told me].

Hell the guy is a dick, same as everyone else in Montana and any reason for keeping him away from Washington is probably a good one.  But let’s not be hypocrites about it.  Just accept that nobody ought to be in Washington and set about making sure nobody goes there.

Let’s not obscure something that makes excellent sense with a lot of BS about citing sources and pretending someone alive today has original thoughts he could say and the rest of us could cite him.  Every damned opinion any of us have were tucked into our heads by Rush Goddamned Limbo, the Holy Bible, some magazine or book we read, or just crawled in waiting around the coffee machine and infected the minds of the entire workplace.

Army War College needs to quit making unreasonable demands on our service men who can’t be expected to know a damned thing or they wouldn’t have volunteered in the first place.  And where do they get off with expecting original thoughts.  The first thing a drill sergeant tells newcomers into the military is, YOU ARE NOT HERE TO THINK!  YOU ARE HERE TO FOLLOW ORDERS.

Which is good, because there’s an immeasurably better chance they’ll be able to follow orders than that they’ll screw up and think something.

Old Jules

“Barbie Goes Native” sparks reevaluation of US Military posture

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

The 1970s, pre-US military adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan movie, Caravans, has come to the attention of US military planners.  Careful study of the overwhelming success beautiful actress, Jennifer Oneal, had influencing primitive tribesmen to behave themselves suggests new avenues of approach to US militarism.

Caravans 1978PG 125 minutes, An American diplomat is tasked with retrieving a famous politician’s daughter, who is married to an Iranian colonel but has run off with a rebel leader. More Info Starring: Anthony Quinn, Michael Sarrazin Director: James Fargo
 
During past military adventures,” White House spokesmen declared, “The US had never put women into combat-like roles.  It was believed doing so would undermine the claims that wars were motivated by the need to protect moms, wives, sisters and potential girl friends from the evil forces of the enemy.”
 
But, he explained, today women occupy active roles in a wide range of combat positions and while the Draft statutes have not yet been amended to include women, modern warfare justifies doing so.
 
“Jennifer Oneal was married nine times during her years as an actress.  In Caravans she enjoyed huge influence among primitive Moslems.  Today a few women of the Jennifer Oneal variety might replace the entire US military presence in Afghaistan. 
 
“Female porn stars could probably serve the same real-life function today as Jennifer Oneal with her stunning blue eyes, blonde hair, and nine husbands did back in the 1970s, and the cost would not be prohibitive.
 
“Changing the outdated US conscription statutes to include beautiful females, particularly porn stars, might well be the key to shrinking US military involvement, in most foreign countries. “
 
A major general  in the Pentagon who wished to remain anonymous agrees.   “War has simply become too costly to allow it to be pursued by traditional means.  Drafting female porn stars to replace both male and females in combat, secretarial, and other position would greatly reduce costs and boost morale.”
 
Jennifer Oneal’s performance in Caravans was not considered particularly impressive when the movie arrived in theaters of the 1970s.  It was not nominated for Academy, nor any other awards. 
 
But history has proved them wrong. 
 
The NSA is now monitoring all online pornography sites with a view to voluntary recruitment pending the needed reevaluation of US Draft Law to determine whether it can be interpreted to allow conscription of beautiful females.
 
Old Jules
 
 

“If those Japanese could have held out through one more atomic bomb we wouldn’t be eating this crap!”

Hi readers.  Here’s wishing you a fulfilling independence from having the British for your bosses ordering you around and making you drink their damned tea.  If our ancestors hadn’t won their independence from the British we’d have had to fight on their side during WWI and WWII, the way their other colonies did.

Anyway, that WWI museum got me thinking about what GIs used to eat.  There was a long shelf of displays of their mess kits, carved fancier than a POW would do.  Beautiful designs and artwork produced while their feet were rotting off in trenches between having the bejesus shelled out of them and being sniped at across no-man’s-land.

 In Korea, at least in the First Cavalry Division, what we ate in 1963-1964 whenever we were on field rations was all left over from WWII.  1945ish WWII.  K Rations.

Breakfast Unit  Canned meat product Biscuits Compressed cereal bar Powdered coffee Fruit bar Chewing gum Sugar tablets Four cigarettes Water-purification tablets Can opener Wooden spoon

Breakfast Unit
Canned meat product
Biscuits
Compressed cereal bar
Powdered coffee
Fruit bar
Chewing gum
Sugar tablets
Four cigarettes
Water-purification tablets
Can opener
Wooden spoon

Camp Howze, Korea, had an enormous bunker chock full of K Rations of the nostalgic variety dating from before the Japanese surprised us with a surrender while we still had an atomic bomb and one-hell-of-a-lot of K Rations left.  I can testify from personal experience the US Army was patriotic and continued eating those rations 20 years after the premature and cowardly surrender of Japan.

Dinner Unit  Canned cheese product Biscuits A candy bar Chewing gum Powdered beverage Granulated sugar Salt tablets Cigarettes Matches Can opener  Wooden spoon

Dinner Unit
Canned cheese product
Biscuits
A candy bar
Chewing gum
Powdered beverage
Granulated sugar
Salt tablets
Cigarettes
Matches
Can opener
Wooden spoon

 Our quonsot hut had a corner filled with Ks still in the cartons so we could fill those long winter nights with partying song, beer, and anything worth eating in a crate of Ks.

Supper Unit Canned meat product Biscuits Bouillon powder Candy Chewing gum Powdered coffee Granulated sugar Cigarettes Can opener Toilet paper Wooden spoon

Supper Unit
Canned meat product
Biscuits
Bouillon powder
Candy
Chewing gum
Powdered coffee
Granulated sugar
Cigarettes
Can opener
Toilet paper
Wooden spoon

The cigarettes in ours weren’t Chesterfields.  Ours were Lucky Strikes in a Green package.  As in the old radio WWII jingle, “Lucky Strike green has gone to war!”  Lucky Strike changed colors after the war to red and white, but Luckies kept right on fighting in green until all those damned Ks were consumed by GIs.

Ahhh.  Nothing like sparking up a Lucky out of a carton of Ks, working fast to inhale a little tobacco smoke before it burned down to your fingertips.  Those smokes were 20 years old and we never found a way to add enough moisture to keep them smoking instead of burning.

And the chocolate!  The godforsaken chocolate turned white with age.  We didn’t care.  Everything in those Ks got tried and nobody ever died from them.  And I never heard of anyone getting drunk from them.

Fact was, a person with extra money could go to the PX and get crackers, but if he did he’d have to share with the whole hooch.  Same with sardines.  And we had KATUSAs in our hooch.  Four of them.  Korean Augmentations to the US Army.  And those bastards could go through a case of crackers, cans of sardines, quicker than you could make a grab for a can before they were gone.

But even the KATUSAs couldn’t make remarkably short work of a case of Ks.  There was always enough for everyone, along with some leftovers to munch on guard duty.

Damn.  These modern all-volunteer military guys are spoiled.  Except maybe in Korea.  Hell, in Korea they might still be eating Ks and wishing to hell the Japanese had gutted out another atomic bomb.

Old Jules

We few. We happy few. We band of brothers

arrows

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

Predominantly draft era veterans end up at VA hospitals I’ve observed.  And we’ve got all the warts and scars to suggest we were a flawed segment of humanity.  Truth is, watching the mannerisms and behaviors we still are.  Flawed, certainly, many also pathetic as individual personalities.  Needy.  Obnoxious.

But strangely enough, there’s a constant undercurrent of moments cutting through the lies on top of lies and BS revealing something I’m ashamed to admit I suspect is a sort of brotherhood.  A smile and wink in an elevator from a guy in a wheelchair with more problems than me.  Thumbs up signs when someone gets called to see one of the sawbones or other ‘team’ members.

Granted, most of the conversations going on are lies about things that happened when in the military.  But when I brought up the subject of the Afghan/Iraq vets suicides the lies stopped and were replaced by frowning thought.  A momentary pause to try to understand.

It’s there to be recognized.  And it can also be found in the mention of the guys on ‘the 10th floor’.  The guys who are ‘still in Vietnam’.  Everyone knows about those guys and they only get mentioned in muted tones, phrases expressing horror and awe.

We few.  We happy few.  We band of brothers who aren’t on the 10th floor.

Old Jules