Tag Archives: humor

Winkie Hodges – They still called him Winkie

Hi readers.  When Keith and I were kids in Portales in 1954,  a boy named Harold Hodges ran around with us a little.  For some reason we called him Winkie.  Keith and I discussed him sometime a while back and he knew Winkie a long while after I lost track.  Winkie was one of the really honest-to-goodness poor kids we knew.  Hardscrabble farm kid out in the sand hills off the Clovis highway.

I knew his dad died in the mountains deer hunting in 1955, I remembered that.  And I remembered his mom became a bootlegger to make a living in alcohol-dry Roosevelt County.

Anyway, I was remembering an incident on the school grounds involving Winkie, Keith and I getting into one hell of a lot of trouble with a teacher named Mrs. Tate.  The meanest teacher I ever had, maybe the meanest woman I ever encountered this lifetime, though she had stiff competition on both avenues.

But Winkie, Keith and I made her cry.  On the other hand, thanks to her I didn’t learn long division until a quarter-century later.  It wasn’t an even trade, but it was the best three 4th graders could do given the resources available.

Anyway, I did a websearch for Harold Hodges, then Winkie Hodges.  Just curious.  All I came up with was an obit for a name I’d encountered several years later when I lived in Borger, Texas.  Small world.  Winkie was still alive in 1998, still in Portales, and they were still calling him Winkie.

Abbie G. Friend
  BORGER – Abbie G. Friend, 85, died Monday, Nov. 2, 1998.

She married Deane Friend in 1975 at Borger. She was preceded in death
by a son.

Survivors include her husband; three sons, Wayne Vaughan of Mission,
Jack Vaughan of Pryor, Okla., and Gerald Vaughan of Long Beach,
Calif.; three brothers, Volly Hodges of Friona, Teet Hodges of
Roswell, N.M., and Winkie Hodges of Portales, N.M.; seven sisters,
Lorene Cunningham of Lubbock, Lois Hill of Odessa, Bernice Alexander
and Natoma Reigle, both of San Antonio, Geraldine Farmer of Ozark,
Ark., Maggie Rae Gibbs of Silver City, N.M., and Lena May Gibbs of
Portales, N.M.; seven grandchildren; and 12 great-grandchildren.

The family suggests memorials be to the Women’s Abuse Center.

Sooooo.  Bound to be a story worth knowing why the family wanted memorials sent to the Women’s Abuse Center, but it didn’t have anything I could discern to do with Winkie Hodges.  Just Coincideneces trekking around roping and branding everything in sight.

Anyway, Winkie’s dad died of a heart attack early in life, but I think he might still be alive.  I didn’t find an obit on him, anyway.  If I ever figure out I’ve got enough heart left to travel I think I might try to look him up or find his gravestone.

Old Jules

CIA thinking ahead to next pro-American coup or assassination

Report: Majority Of CIA Now Ready To Install Female World Leader

NewsWorldgovernmentworld leadersNewsISSUE 50•30Jul 29, 2014

In a marked generational shift, more than half of current CIA covert agents say they would engineer a bloody coup d’etat to install a female political puppet for the U.S. to manipulate. 

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-majority-of-cia-now-ready-to-install-female,36570/

Members of the CIA, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, told reporters that an increasing number of agents hired from a younger, more progressive generation are significantly more open to a woman leading one of the handful of nations the agency has deemed ready for a regime change. According to informal polling within the Clandestine Service division, the violent overthrow of a foreign leader in favor of a female dictator backed by the U.S. could occur as soon as within the next few years.

“Certainly, when I first started off in the agency, installing a woman as a country’s president in order to stave off the communist threat would have never even been considered,” said one veteran official, adding that the gender norms of the times suggested that a woman’s place was in the home and not at the forefront of a pro-Western paramilitary organization receiving arms, training, and millions of untraceable dollars from the CIA. “Had someone in 1964 suggested we conspire with the Brazilian army generals to replace President João Goulart with a woman, he would have been laughed out of the room. However, like many Americans, our views have evolved over time, and today, we’ve reached the point where a woman is definitely considered as a legitimate possibility during our black ops planning.”

“I would like to think that in the year 2014 we are forward-thinking enough to supplant foreign leaders with the best and most pliant person we can find, regardless of gender,” he added. “If this individual can follow our explicit agenda and successfully destabilize leftist movements, what does it matter if the person’s a man or a woman?”

When surveyed, the majority of intelligence community members stationed overseas said they would be willing to foment civil unrest within a country to elevate a woman to power, be it by orchestrating a wide-scale misinformation campaign or paying local gangs to spark protests and rallies in her name. While some said it might initially feel strange or uncomfortable seeing a woman condemn her predecessor to death for the first time, they argued they have a firm obligation to rig an election on the behalf of whoever is truly up to the task of brutally cracking down on political activists the U.S. views as threats to its interests.

Many officers told reporters they are surprised it has taken so long for the idea to gain acceptance, given that the agency propped up its first black president, the Democratic Republic of the Congo’s Joseph-Desiré Mobutu, back in 1960.

“Most agents nowadays recognize that there are countless women across the globe who are more than qualified to kowtow to every demand of the United States,” said one station chief, adding that he could name at least seven or eight different Venezuelan women he believes could be thrust into a power vacuum created by the U.S. and successfully declare themselves president for life. “Over time, we’ve seen a steady increase in the number of women around the world who are involved in the planning and execution of bribery schemes and assassination plots, and they are certainly well-represented within the leadership of the various radical student groups we control. However, it’s about time we actually see a woman elevated to the presidency after the U.S. strong-arms that country’s military leaders into supporting her.”

“They’re ready,” he continued. “And far more importantly, so are we.”

Despite reports that a significant percentage of the agency is now receptive to propping up its first female dictator, sources confirmed that many hardliners at CIA headquarters remain reluctant to endorse such an operation, citing their belief that women simply are not equipped to handle the physical and psychological demands of illegitimate rule, such as managing a secret police, regularly killing off rival political and business leaders, and developing a cult of personality. Others told reporters they fear that female political puppets may not command the level of respect from other foreign leaders necessary to provide the U.S. with a useful proxy in their respective region of the world.

“While there are still holdouts within the agency, it is my personal hope that one day, future CIA operatives will find it completely normal to choose a woman to, for example, denationalize a country’s titanium mines after paying a local death squad to assassinate the prime minister,” said one high-level official. “But that can only happen if we take the bold and admittedly difficult first step today of creating a constitutional crisis that results in the elevation of a female despot, whose brutal, iron-fisted rule will be subsequently overlooked.”

“I just want my children to know I was on the right side of history,” he added.

What do Christians owe to Israel? Mocking scorn and boycott, according to Jesus

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

If Israel were a religious, rather than secular nation, pointing out THOU SHALT NOT STEAL is a commandment.  But Israel deliberately chose to become a secular state.  A state where Christians, Muslims and Jews would all be treated equally.  Where stealing just ain’t all that big a deal if you can get by with it.  If you’ve got heavier artillery than the folks you’re stealing from.

A friend of mine, a mainline Christian of US lineage, supports Israel and always has.  He reads and believes the Israeli websites pointing fingers of blame away from Israel and carefully examining ‘what’s been done to Israel’ and the spotlighted victimized Israel loves to portray.  Along with muted Holocaust innuendo so’s to keep him from examining Israeli reality.  Using the tragedy of the camps to enrich themselves with stolen land.

Because US Christians have responded to Israel’s guilt-button pushing so long it’s almost impossible for a Christian to take an honest look at Israel without remembering Christian treatment of Jews throughout history and deluging Israel with cleansing forgiveness.  For anything.  Closing the eyes because Christians slaughtered Jews for 2000 years.

And Christians do so hope to see the Second Coming of Jesus.  Who couldn’t overlook the stealing by Israel of the land the Temple of Jerusalem sat on so’s to hasten Jesus coming back?  Stealing it back and killing any SOB Palestinian standing in the way of Jesus coming back.  Nobody likes Palestinians anyway.  Israel’s had a propaganda machine working 24/7 to make sure of that.

But that isn’t what Jesus would do, is it? Jesus don’t like stealing, even if it’s Jews doing it.  Jesus don’t like killing, even if it’s Jews doing it.

If Jesus could somehow preemptively come back today without waiting for Israel to tear down that mosque and rebuild the Temple, what do you think he’d say?

  • I think he might say Blessed are the peacemakers,
  • I think he might say, put some teeth into enforcing International Law against them, same as you’ve done in other countries,
  • I think he might say Boycott those bastards and quit selling them weapons to help them hold on to their ill-gotten gains.
  • I think he might say, Shun them
  • Because it’s the Christian thing to do.

Shunning Israel without reverting to keeping regular, honest Jews out of the country clubs or herding them into camps in the Christian countries ought to add some novelty to riding herd on International piracy by Israel.

Old Jules

They’re accusing him of plagiarizing from Martin Luther King’s doctoral dissertation

Hi readers.   Thanks for coming by for a read.

The plot thickens on the politician wannabe in Montana who coincidently used identical words, sentences, paragraphs and phrases that had been used before.  The paper, The Case for Democracy as a National Strategy, was also similar in content to  approximately one point seven million [1,700,000] papers written by high school seniors during the past seventy years.  As well as 90 million [90,000,000] papers written by university freshmen for Government 101 and Political Science 101 courses.

Back when Martin Luther King was a young man doing his doctoral dissertation he encountered approximately the same phenomenon, though nobody much remembers it nowadays.  King’s dissertation was found to contain huge amounts of text previously written verbatim in dissertations earlier by doctoral candidates.  And like the guy from Montana, King didn’t want to bog himself down by identifying in footnotes all the people who coincidently had been inspired to the same choice of words and thoughts as his own.

By the time the anomaly was discovered in the academic community Dr. King was a big item on the Civil Rights scene in the US [probably which is the reason it was discovered at all].  And academic reviewers were forced to conclude coincidences happen.  Huge, 30-40% or more of the document verbatim coincidences.

Well, I don’t know what the Montana guy thinks about Civil Rights.  And I honestly am appalled the Army War College is accepting papers from anyone on the subject of,  The Case for Democracy as a National Strategy.  In this instance the similar verbage found itself dually existing in the Montana guy’s paper, and a paper put together by some national think-tank foundation a few years earlier.  Probably the Montanan believed nobody anywhere would have read it, and in a better world, he’d have been right in thinking so.

Maybe he just got caught up in some statistical thing being done by institutions of higher learning, scanning the web to discover how many doctoral dissertations across the country were composed of identical text from that particular document without being cited.  And once they discovered a few thousand masters theses and doctoral dissertations were founded on identical text not cited from the think-tank, they concluded someone had to be made an example of.

Someone safe, not from a top-drawer university, someone white from someplace where people go to South Dakota wintertimes for the warmer weather.  The Army War College and Montana seemed right.  And after all, this guy already had a claim to victimhood with his post-traumatic-stress-syndrome.

They threw the word ‘honor’ in there somewhere, but the whole issue of honor went away a longish time ago around the time Martin Luther King was doing his doctoral dissertation.  Honor’s just something high-ranking soldiers use to justify following orders to bomb civilian populations and whatnot.  A thing of the past.

Old Jules

Don’t trust the vet to euthanize your terminally ill pets

Hi readers.  If that death penalty fiasco in Arizona didn’t teach anything else worth knowing, it taught that.  If Arizona State Department of Corrections took over the animal killing from the Humane Society the animals would all be dying of old age, getting healthier while everyone waited with bated breath for the final solution.

Thank goodness it was a human being they did that to instead of a cat.

Old Jules

Are Palestinians behaving like Jews? Jews behaving like Palestians? What would Jesus say?

Hi readers.  If you’ve been noticing the Hamas terrorists and the Israel government sponsored terrorists composing their military all seem similar, there’s a reason.  They’re all genetically identical.

Israel is behaving the way the fanatics in the countries around them behave because they’re all just kinfolks.  There’s no difference in them aside from a sprinkling of religion, mainly Judaic in nature.  All going back to the ancient Abraham who was ready to sacrifice his son with a knife on an altar.  Because he thought he heard God tell him to do it.  Is it any mystery Muslims and Jews have a lot of issues with THAT seething down underneath it all?

Hell, there are probably legions of modern-day self-proclaimed holy men over there on both sides declaring God’s telling them they have to sacrifice their genetic cousins.  And legions of others on both sides listening and believing.

It sure as hell wouldn’t surprise me.

And I should mention, legions of people in the church-houses all over Europe and the US are cheering for Israel.  Because there’s a trophy if Israel land-grabs the temple mount and builds a new temple where the Mosque sits.

Got that?  Tears down the Mosque on the temple mount which doesn’t belong to them.  And rebuilds the Hebrew temple that used to sit there.

The prize, Christians believe, is the Second Coming of Christ.  As predicted by John the Divine or someone.  When Solomon’s temple is rebuilt Christ will return.

Well jeeze.  No wonder everyone’s ignoring these temporary acts of savagery Israel’s doing on the cousins.  It’s only temporary because everything will be set straight when Christ comes back.  According to the Bible or something, I reckons.

Need to read through this again, or have you got it tucked together in your minds in ways you can understand it?

Old Jules

Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough

Hi readers.  When I saw this in The Onion I realized it was probably true because I’ve been guilty of it myself.  Old Jules

News With VideodoctorsScience & TechnologyhealthISSUE 50•29• Jul 24, 2014

DALLAS—According to the results of a study published Thursday by the American Heart Association, most heart attack victims do not freeze up and grab at their chests with sufficient measures of theatrics when suffering a cardiac arrest.

“After analyzing data from the past 30 years, we found that when someone experiences heart failure, the most common reaction is fairly mundane; there’s unfortunately no stumbling around the room or frantic straining to enunciate the words ‘having…heart…attack.’

Typically, the person merely winces and slumps over in place until paramedics arrive,” said AHA spokesman Dr. Phillip Trainor, who also noted with disappointment that it is extremely rare for victims seated at dinner tables or restaurants to gasp loudly before falling face-first into a plate of food.

“As few as one in 10 victims even rigidly extend one arm out in front of them, much less reach out for support and accidentally knock several books and framed photos from a shelf or mantle before falling to the ground themselves.” Trainor went on to compare heart attack sufferers to electrocution victims, stating that in most cases, such individuals do not levitate with their limbs fully splayed and their skeletons visible to onlookers for nearly long enough

The men at Eva’s Boarding House, Houston, Texas, 1967

metropolitan 2

Hi readers.  There must have been 20 of us staying at Eva’s for $20 a week.  Two meals a day and a bed, usually 2-3 guys to a room.  All the rooms were sectioned off with imaginary boundaries so each renter had a footlocker and place to hang his clothes, shared a shower and john.

We were welders, mechanics, service station attendants, short order cooks, construction workers and day laborers.  Eva made sure we all had jobs, before she’d rent to anyone.  She ran a high quality place and didn’t want any riffraff staying there.  And most of us stayed.  During the year I lived there only a few moved on, only a rare new guy came in.

So we all got to know one another, became a mealtime community of sorts.  Mostly hung out nights at the bar next door called the Buckhorn.  We were almost all veterans, by hindsight I’d say we were headed to an alcoholic future if we kept on the way we were going.  But we were America.  Young guys between 20 and 30 years old, all white, all working hard and assuming that was how a person lives.

Naturally most of us thought about women a lot, tried to pick up women anytime they came into the Buckhorn.  Flirted with Eva when we got a chance.  Told one another stories about women we knew, women where we’d been, women we’d been in the sack with, women we couldn’t get into the sack.

A few of the guys at Eva’s were divorced, and I recall one from Victoria or Wharton who was still married and went off weekends to see his family.  The rest of us mostly hung out in bars or tried to womanize however we could.  Around that time I began dating my [now] ex-wife in Port Lavaca and spending the weekends down the coast.

We guys at Eva’s couldn’t care less about politics.  Lyndon Johnson was president, the Vietnam War was raging, and it was none of our business.  We wanted to drink a lot and we wanted women.

One day during the evening meal someone said a shop had opened further down Alabama Street where the sold dirty books and had machines you could put a quarter into.  He said they actually showed people screwing in those machines.  Movies showing people screwing for a quarter.

Most of us were skeptical.  That sort of thing would get a person in jail, we speculated.  So after supper we all headed down there, walking along Alabama Street, laughing and joking, poking one another in the ribs.  Into the first porn shop in Houston, Texas.

A lot of quarters went into those machines that night.  And on the way home, at
meals for days afterward it was the dominating subject of conversation.
Wondering how those people were getting by with showing that.  Wondering what kind of people the women were, whether they were hookers, strippers, or just regular women.

Most of the guys figured they were strippers and hookers. Figured the place was
run by off-duty cops so’s to allow it to stay open.  Shows how the world has
matured since 1967.

We guys at Eva’s had been around the block, been overseas, most of us.  Served in the military.  Hung around with hookers, drank, gambled and drove too fast.  While drunk sometimes.  We thought we knew a lot.  And we knew nothing.

I never saw any of those guys again after I got married in August that year for the next 25 years.  I’m betting they all went right on through life thinking they knew a lot, same as we’d thought back at Eva’s.  I certainly did.  A lot of what I knew I learned from those guys at Eva’s.  Or at least a piece of it.  And none of us knew anything for me to learn from.  We wee a bunch of ignorant normal people.

We thought the women in those porn videos were different from other women.  Different from the women we knew, except maybe hookers we knew.  There was no way we could have guesseed they were probably just regular women who decided they wanted to give that a try and weren’t ashamed, browbeaten, frightened by public opinion into not doing it.

Likely some were fair to middling good people.

But we guys down at Eva’s Boarding House hadn’t lived long enough to understand this world is a complicated place for human beings.  It’s bad about keeping the cards close to the cuff.

Old Jules

Improving on the near-perfect – no sodium catsup substitute

Hi readers.  I posted this ersatz salt catsup substitute recipe a while back because it’s so almost perfect I figured you’d love it if you tried it.  But today I trumped that recipe.  I added three large green onions into the blender with the rest.  Watched them get liquified with everything, then added about half a bundle of fresh cilantro.

I believe with some jalapeno in the mix this might provide the best salsa I’ve ever eaten.  And not one speck of salt added anywhere in the equation.

sweet pepper and bells

Hi readers. Thanks for coming by for a read. I’m sitting here dipping home-made no sodium catsup substitute in Art’s & Mary’s no salt homestyle potato chips.

So shoot me. Fact is, this catsup substitute tastes so much better than catsup a person might as well call catsup a substitute for whatever this como se llama delicious concoction is. And it’s so damned easy to make they ought to put grocers in jail for carrying the original salt-bomb Hunts, Heinz, you name it catsups on the shelves. Killing people slowly.

sweet pepper and bells in blender

What you need to make Como Se Llama? Sweet peppers and/or Bell peppers of various colors. A blender. 3/4 cup apple cider vinegar. A cup of sugar, or however much less you prefer. A tablespoon of black pepper.

sweet pepper and bells blended

Blend it until it’s all liquid, adding the sugar and vinegar while it’s blending. I use unground peppercorn and let the blending reduce the grain size with everything else.

sweet pepper and bells ireducing

Once that’s done all you need to do is put it over medium heat and bring it to a boil, then let it simmer until it’s reduced approximately 1/3, but mainly is the thickness you prefer in a Como se Llama. Keep it in mind you’re using it for a dip.

If it gets so you’re on the road or for come other reason can’t make Como se Llama, you can always stop into a grocery store and buy a bottle of catsup for a temporary substitute.

Old Jules

Getting Israel behind us – Let God give them financial aid and weaponry

Stand with Israel harper tx

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

Back during the Yom Kipper War, Six Days War, one of those, I recall a friend named Victor Sturm, an atheist, commenting the Israeli military prowess was almost enough to make him believe in God.  I think that was true for most of us, whether we were atheists, or not.  Israel’s always been easy to support.

During all those years everyone I was acquainted with felt badly about what was done to the Jews in Germany, and supporting the secular state of Israel seemed one of the ways to compensate.  In those days television would play a German Holocaust movie at the drop of a hat to keep it fresh on the minds.  I recall during the Cambodian killing fields times the only thing competing on television was constant reminders of the German camps.  Same was true when millions of Biafra folks were dying like flies.  It was always “Yeah, but look what happened in Germany to Jews!”

Well, we’re a lot more informed these days.  Germany was one of the places where one hell of a lot of people were systematically persecuted and killed.  One of the places, and Jews were one of the targets.

Fact is nobody cares about all that.  Nobody cares about atrocities and genocides.  Including Israel.  Nobody lifted a finger to stop Cambodia, Biafra, and a dozen other places where the death counts got into six figures or higher.  And WWII sure as hell wasn’t fought about what Germans were doing in those camps to Jews and Gypsies.  Nor what the Japanese were doing to the Chinese and other countries they occupied.

Justifying US involvement in WWII because of Hitler’s camps is pure fabrication by hindsight.  Nobody before Pearl Harbor gave a popcorn fart what Hitler was doing to Jews.  And the Jews fleeing Germany were having one hell of a time finding any country willing to take them.  They were stacking up like cordwood in Spain and Portugal because Britain, the US and almost everyone else didn’t want any more than they had already.

So when the dust settled Israel was formed to assuage the guilt feelings of the US population, the British, everyone who sat by with their thumbs up their butts at a time when they might have saved a lot of lives.  Christian religious fanatics in all the civilized countries loved the idea.  It carried the undertone suggesting somehow God was involved in all this, letting his Chosen People return to the Promised Land.

It might have worked out fairly well.  If Israel hadn’t turned out to be as savage, greedy and lacking in human compassion as the rest of humanity, it could have worked out.  Likely as not they could have settled in, shaken hands with the new neighbors and worked together to make the world a better place.

But that couldn’t happen.  Israel was won by terrorism and terrorists, and it’s continued to indulge in State terrorism from the day it was founded.  The Israeli government continues to grab land outside the boundaries established by the United Nations, continues to slaughter the neighbors without conscience, and blames everything on the people they’re robbing and slaughtering.

And nobody’s quicker on the draw with playing the race card than Israeli supporters.  Anyone who tries to examine the behavior of Israel critically is immediately accused of hating Jews, being an anti-Semite.  It’s happened right here in the comments of blog posts whenever Israel received critical examination.  Or even in response to pleas that they resort to peace occasionally just for the novelty.

Savagery and blaming the victims, same as the US has done countless times in countless places.  Same as the Russians, the Japanese, the Chinese, the British, the French.

Hell, the contagion of being Chosen People must have been awfully damned infectious to have infected so much of humanity with Hebrew Biblical behavior.

Israel has passed the Modern Civilization 101 course in greed, aggression, brutality, callous disregard for human suffering and tedious self-aggrandizement.  It’s time to put them up there with the Great Nations and let them sink or swim among the sharks.

I think they might make it for a while.  Because when we have to get along with our neighbors to survive, we tend to become circumspect and reasonable in ways we’d never thought of when we were being mollycoddled and pampered as though we could do no wrong.

The US is bankrupt, though it doesn’t admit it.  Our industry’s all gone to Asia.  Our weaponry’s all designed and manufactured by Asians.  A time is coming when US foreign aid will be a footnote in history.  Along with US military prowess.

But we can be confident Israel will probably be the recipient of the last US foreign aid dollar to be sent anywhere, despite famines and disease where they really need it.

Old Jules

 

 

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