Tag Archives: humor

Hey! Looky over there!

Posted on August 4, 2013 by | 3 comments

Hi Readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read doodah, doodah.

diet water2

Funny how we humans are so prone to find anwers to bloat our egos over answers that don’t feel as good, but have the virtue of being true.  For instance, any king, nobleman, or any peasant in human history could tell you the fundamental purpose of government. 

If you asked, the peasant, the king or nobleman, would stare at you wondering if you were joking, then decide you were just the village idiot and explain, “The fundamental purpose of government is to keep the hired-help from running off with the silverware.”

Sure, goverment’s always had other functions, too.  Settling arguments between noblemen over which peasants belong to what nobleman.  Setting the peasants hacking at one another with sharpened objects if the noblemen can’t agree which is the bossman.  Sending some of the hired hands around to see what crops the peasants have managed to harvest, and taking some of it away from them.  Making some of the peasants into cops to ride herd on the peasants, keeping them doing what the noblemen tell them to.

Yeah, things got complicated when the Americans managed to run off with the silverware despite everything kings and noblemen could do. Suddenly the applecart was overturned and everyone was going to want to be a king or nobleman.   And the process of deciding who was going to order whom around could have gotten bloody if there hadn’t been some smartypantses thinking ahead. 

They had to think of a way to make everyone think they didn’t have any king, any noblemen, any dynasties of power.  The first time it was put to the test was President/King John Adams and President/King John Quincy Adams. 

That’s when they invented the methodology.  “Hey!  Looky over there!”  And nobody noticed there was suddenly a dynastic nobility forming up with new silverware they didn’t want the hired help running off with.

Worked fairly well, all things considered.  They didn’t even have to keep what they were doing a secret.  Time came when Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and Hoot Gibson all used it.

Some guy would be pointing a gun at them, and Hopolong, Roy, Gene, or Hoot would point and yell, “Hey!  Looky over there!”  The guy would look and find himself punched on the point of the chin, corrected in his designs on the silverware.

Today it’s a lot easier because there are so many things the government to point to and yell, “Hey!  Looky over there!” and people will look.  People who hate what they see as dumbasses and rednecks will even help doing the pointing.  “Hey, take the guns away from those dumbass rednecks.”

Or, “Hey!  Looky at those people who do things I don’t like with their sex organs!”

Or, “Hey!  Looky at those people getting more free rocks from the government than I do!”  [The government business of, “buy 10 rocks and get two free” doesn’t work equally for everyone.  Some people only buy 5 rocks and get 10.  Others buy 12 rocks and get 50.  Big big big problem of unequal treatment.]

Sure, it’s dizzying trying to think it all through.  But any peasant, king or nobleman could tell you the truth of it.

If we didn’t all happen to be the village idiots.

Old Jules

3 Comments

Posted in 2013, America, Education, Government, History, Human Behavior, Police, Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Fixer Upper For Sale – Harper, Texas

Posted on August 3, 2013 by | 1 comment

Stand with Israel harper tx

And a big Texas ‘Howdy!”

Old Jules

1 Comment

Posted in 2013, America, Human Behavior, Politics

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Tranquility Island, Kerrville, Texas – “Eh, Grasshopper:”

Posted on August 3, 2013 by | 6 comments

Tranquility Island Kerrville Texas

“Yes, Sensei?”

Old Jules

6 Comments

Posted in 2013, Adventure, America, Nature, Outdoors, Photo of the Day, Spirituality

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

A Communist behind every tree

Posted on August 3, 2013 by | 17 comments

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read this morning.

Back in the bad old days between the Korean War and the Vietnam War a person could land himself in a peck of trouble for saying he was a Communist.  My granddad was a man crosswise with the world, and one day in a cafe in Dora, New Mexico, a bunch of farmers were talking about the Communists, and Papa announced he was one.  Proceeded to debate the matter with the entire cafe.

Point-by-point.  He didn’t have any friends around there anyway, but doing that didn’t win him any.

Wasn’t long before he had himself a visit from two FBI agents.  Said they’d had a report he was an atheistic Communist.  Which thoroughly pissed him off.

So Papa began studying Communism, began building all manner of reasons Communism was better than representative democracy.  Which he was happy to pass on to my young crosswise-with-the-Universe mind.

Sophomore, or Junior year of high school I entered a class on government being taught by Ira Bogard.  Me being the smartass trouble maker I was, and being generally an outcast, a few days into the semester I answered a question by saying I was a Communist.  Mister Bogard paused and glared at me, then went on with what he’d been saying.

But at the end of class he was assigning the class an essay.  Except me.  He pointed to me and told me to give him five pages explaining why I was a Communist.

I turned it in on time, and a few days later he handed it back to me with questions in the margins:  “How do you explain the Siberian camps?”  “How do you explain Stalin?”  “Why do you say Roosevelt’s New Deal was Communism in disguise?”  5 pages.

This went on the whole semester.  The only essays I wrote were answers to his questions about Communism.  Naturally I consulted my granddad every chance I got, but I also spent a lot of time in the library, even had to visit the ENMU library to get answers to some of his questions.

Hell of a good teacher.  I still smile thinking about him.

Old Jules

17 Comments

Posted in 1950's, America, Government, Human Behavior, New Mexico, NM, Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Teetering on the brink of a Christian Era here

Posted on August 2, 2013 by | 9 comments

Hi readers.

Whoopteeedoo!  Something finally worked as planned.

Escape route 2.51 storage

It’s been troubling my mind for some while, that huge storage box I couldn’t access because the ladder was wokkyjaw damaged, one leg at the top swinging loose, kinks and bends, supports pulled through the RV skin.  Not one thing about it caused a man to wish to climb it.

RV ladder repair 5

I worked most of the day crossing my fingers and knocking on wood as I went.  Cut about three inches out of the section toward the top, slid an undersized piece of tubing inside and spliced it together. 

RV ladder repair 3

That allowed the end that’s supposed to  connect on the roof to come down enough to touch, anyway.  There was a piece of rusted 1/8 inch steel rod, threaded, sticking out of the roof.  Supposed to go inside the ladder connected somehow, I reckons.

RV ladder repair 4

Couldn’t think of any meaningful way to replace it, so I whittled down a piece of broom handle to fit inside the tubing, drilled a 1/16th inch hole lengthwise through it and gorilla-glued the hell out of it.

RV ladder repair 6

Couldn’t think of much anything to do with the tools at hand about that kink, so I just hose-clamped a step on top of it.

RV ladder repair storage2

Now that I can get to it, that box is going to carry a sleeping bag, coleman stove, small tent, pick and shovel, gold pans and classifier, backpack and a number of other essentials I’d been gnashing my teeth wondering how to carry along.

Life wasn’t bad yesterday, but it’s better today.

Old Jules

9 Comments

Posted in 2013, Adventure, America, Human Behavior, Outdoors, Redneck Repairs, RedneckRepairs, Senior Citizens, Transportation, Trucks, White Trash Repairs

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Keeping stupidity to a minimum

Posted on August 2, 2013 by | 12 comments

Hi readers.

Last trip to Kerrville, after I had my spanking new 10 ply tires mounted, after I’d been inside the Walmart store and bought a 1/2 inch hammer drill [which ain’t going to do the intended job, will have to be returned] I was feeling uppidy something awful.  I got everything tucked into places where it wouldn’t scatter hell-to-breakfast and headed out of the parking lot.

Guy was sitting on the side before the stop sign in a wheel chair.  Had a sign, “Vet – Appreciate any help“.  Stump of one leg sticking out.  I craned my neck and squinted, drove on by, then backed up and pulled to the side, cursing myself.  Hell, I don’t care whether he’s a vet.  Damned guy only has one leg, for Christsake.  Sheeze.  Damnittohell.  Probably got more money than I do, anyway.  Damnittohell.

I rolled down my window and he rolled up close.  “Hey man. ”  He watched me thumbing through my small bill wallet trying to decide how much.  “How you doing?”

“Doing okay.”  At least I’ve got both my freaking legs.  Ain’t stooped to begging on the street.  I squeezed my eyes shut so’s to not have to look at the $20 I handed him.

“Hey, thanks man.”

“No problem.  Hang in there.”  I rolled up the window and backed the RV enough to get back on the road, clinching my teeth, cursing myself for being such a dumbass.  Knowing he’s probably got all kinds of support from a lot of directions.  Searching my mind for rationalizations for having done it.

Finally settled on thinking of Jeanne’s brother, Carl.  Guy’s got MS, crippled up something awful.  Made a lot of lousy decisions in life and got old, in and out of hospitals.  Can’t do squat, doesn’t know from one day to the next whether he and his wife will have a place to live.  Mostly his own fault for not doing everything he could for himself, applying for help from sources it might have been available.

Hell, I decided, if I saw Carl beside the road with a sign I’d give him a $20.  Even if a lot of his problem is his own fault.  The MS ain’t, and we human beings are dumber than cluckshit.  None of us worth shooting. 

Screw it.  The cats and I are generally healthy and at least the stupid we carry around ain’t as heavy on the shoulders at that guy.  Or Carl.  Cripes.  A month from now I’ll never even miss that $20.

Screw it.  But next time I ain’t going to do it.  I hope.

Old Jules

12 Comments

Posted in 2013, America, Human Behavior, Senior Citizens

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hermits, misers and short-term memory

Posted on August 2, 2013 by | 6 comments

Good morning readers. Thanks for coming by for a read this morning.

Last night I found myself with my two wallets out, the one where I keep $100s and $50s, counting them carefully, and the one where I keep $20s, $10s, $5s and $1s, adding them all up.  [I keep them in two different wallets so’s I can’t accidentally hand a store clerk a large bill thinking it’s a small one, can’t lose the big bill wallet and hit rock bottom between two breaths].

After carefully counting it all out, got the map, the calculator, re-figured the gas mileage averages per gallon I’ve been getting on the RV, the distances between places I might drive to, and the cost in fuel if nothing else goes wrong.

After I’d figured and re-figured all that a few times I went in to the cabin and began unloading boxes of books I’d packed to carry into town to donate to thrift stores, opening each one and fanning the pages.  Just to make sure.  [A few weeks ago I’d found a $100 in one I must have stashed in there sometime when I had an extra and wanted to put it aside for a rainy day.]

Found a couple of books I want to read again before disposing of them, but not one $100 bill.  So I went around looking at things and other hidey holes where I might have stashed bills so’s I wouldn’t spend them, then forgot.  Checking the pockets of blue jeans, coats and jackets, taking the lids off button jars and pill bottles looking inside, moving the buttons pills etc, in case I’d shoved a bill down inside out of sight.

Got me thinking how damned sick this whole money thing is.  I remembered for the first time in 40-50 years a book, My Brother’s Keeper, I read as a youngster and was impressed enough to have it stamped on my memory.  About some old guy must have been a lot like me.  And remembering all the fictional misers stereotyped in books I’ve read over the decades.

Guys who died and people disposing of their belongings coming across pillows, mattresses, loose floor boards, with gobs of money.  While the guy half-starved.  Hell, maybe they forgot they had it.

Got me wondering if maybe I’ve got a stash around here full of $100s and ain’t remembering I’ve got it. 

Maybe it’s time I went out into the meadow and dug some holes, crawled down underneath the cabin to check out the floor joists, the piers and beams for money I hid.  I doubt I’d have done that, though.  After the packrats shredded all my retirement money I had hidden under a floor joist in the Y2K cabin, I like to think I learned a lesson.

So where the hell DID I put all the money I must have stashed around here over the past few years and forgot?

Sicksicksick. 

Old Jules

Afterthought: It’s no damned wonder so many people who are actually rich are so preoccupied with getting richer.  They’re probably forgotting they’re already rich.  Or can’t remember where their money is.

6 Comments

Posted in 2013, America, Country Life, Human Behavior, Senior Citizens

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1965 Time Machine – The Cat-People Vote

Posted on August 1, 2013 by | 3 comments

Hydrox:  Don’t even think about this Edgewood, New Dawn crap. 

Me:  What?  You cat-people don’t like the mountains?

Hydrox:  We cat-people don’t like anachronisms.  We don’t trust them.  They let their dogs run loose.  They lie around smoking dope waiting for the uniforms to show up and confiscate everything, haul everyone off to the slammer.

Me:  We’re talking about the EAST mountains, Hydrox.  If they’re paying off the right people it doesn’t matter what they’re doing out there.  Besides, they’re looking for people willing to work.

Hydrox:  Yeah, but work doing what?  Breaking Ephedrin caps out of packages?  Stirring up the mix to dissolve it?  Watching the acetone mist boil over the sides?  Watching the crystal iodine vapor turn your whiskers purple?

Me:  No, Hydrox.  You’ve got it all wrong.  These people are into sweetness and light.  Harmonizing with nature.  Working to build a new world.  A community.

Hydrox:  I’m betting pit bulls checking the fenceline and a National Guard Armory in the barn.

Me:  I don’t know how you got so cynical. 

Hydrox:  I was living with you 2002, 2003, 2004.  So was Niaid.  Those East Mountainers made an impression old cats aren’t likely to forget.

Me:  You’re too suspicious.    Free place to park the RV, mountains, pinons and pines.  Idealistic young people.

Hydrox:  If your good sense about the rest didn’t raise your hackles enough to tell you it’s a snakepit, the idealistic young people ought to do the job.

Me:  Hmmmm.  Yeah, idealistic young people’s where you make your strongest point.  Actually they probably do have a meth lab out there.   Or will have.  How the hell could they not? 

Hydrox:  Pit bulls running around loose looking for a free lunch. 

Me:  So you’re thinking Gila?  Mimbres? 

Hydrox:  I’m thinking anywhere but the East Mountains.  Mosquero if it comes to it.  Albuquerque’s a nice place to visit.  Wouldn’t mind seeing Amy again, see how those two Chinese girls she adopted are growing up.  But you’re too old and we cats are too old to be getting involved with East Mountain people.

Me:  I hate to see you generalizing, stereotyping. 

Hydrox:  I hate to see you not using that big brain you’re stuck with.  Hell, if it weren’t for us cats you’d probably be living under a bridge.

Me:  [Sigh] I’ve got you, babe. 

Old Jules

3 Comments

Posted in 2013, America, Animals, Human Behavior, Nature, New Mexico, NM, Outdoors, Police

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Confederates and Non-Confederates

Posted on July 23, 2013 by | 4 comments

Me, trying on caps at the JC Penny store:  Why are some of these blue, other ones grey?

Store Clerk lady:  Why the grey ones are Confederates.

Me:  Oh.  Okay, what are the blue ones.

Store Clerk lady, frowning:   Um.  Those are Non-Confederates. 

Back when Keith Kelt and I were struggling through grammar school in Portales, New Mexico, a movie briefly drained our bluejeans pockets. 

Suddenly every kid in town had to have a blue, or a grey cap with a shiny bill and crossed rifles at the front.  Half-dollar at the JC Penny store had us all scrambling.  Each of us tripped down to JC Penny the instant we could scrape together the gelt. 

At which time probably all of us discovered we didn’t know enough to be making the decisions as we took cap after cap out of the bin, trying them on.  Those of us who’d seen the movie weren’t educated enough to know much about it, aside from the fact it was bloody, violent, and exciting. 

All we knew was that every kid who was anyone was wearing one of those caps.

Not until I made a fool of myself in class several years later in Junior High did I learn that the US Civil War wasn’t fought between Confederates and Non-Confederates.

Old Jules

4 Comments

Posted in 1950's, America, History, Military, Movies, New Mexico, NM, Portales, Senior Citizens

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When racism isn’t racism, bigotry isn’t bigotry

Posted on July 21, 2013 by | 8 comments

Hi readers.

Back during the bad old days of my hippy-dopesmokerism, during the throw-rocks-at-cops times, during the turbulence of the Vietnam War, this happened:

I was sitting on the steps of the University of Texas Student Union Building with two other Veterans Against the War, five self-proclaimed Black Panthers, two Viva La Raza types, and a handfull of white girlygirls not wearing bras.  Two of the girlygirls were paramours of a couple of the Panthers.  The subject of racism came up.

Keep in mind that all the Panthers and both Viva La Raza types were white-haters, though they indulged those two white guy among us by ignoring the fact we were white.  Indulged the girlygirls similarly.  And keep in mind the two Hispanics had no love for blacks, nor the blacks, any love for Hispanics.  Only the white girlygirls and we white Vets Against the War had felt no anti-black nor anti-Hispanic rage against the others of the group.

So tirades against whites became noisy, Hispanics and Panthers all in agreement, all making blanket statements proclaiming white bigotry.  Somewhere during that I asked, “You guys are lumping us all together because we’re white.  Isn’t that racism?  Is it different when you do it, as opposed to a white lumping you all together?”

Caused an uproar, general outrage and denial.  Universal even among the girlygirls, and one of the white guys.

“Victims of racism can’t be racist!”  Repeated and re-phrased in numerous ways.  “Only whites can be racists because they have the power!”

Wellllllll.   Uhhhhh.

I suppose it’s probably consoling to a guy getting his ribs caved in by someone standing above him yelling, “You honky bastard!” to know he’s not the victim of bigotry and racism. 

Or my neighbor in Placitas, New Mexico, who, though an old unreconstructed hippy, couldn’t get the Hispanic guy who controlled irrigation water to open her gates to her orchard when her turn came because of his outspoken hatred of Anglos.  “My trees are dying because of what white-hating son of a bitch!”  Her old hippy too-much-sun face reddening.  “There’s nobody but other Hispanics I can appeal to!”

But at least it wasn’t racism.  At least it wasn’t bigotry she was a victim of.  Because bigotry and racism aren’t possible for people who don’t have the power.

Old Jules

8 Comments

Posted in 2013, America, Government, Human Behavior, Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,