Tag Archives: church

Who gets to go to heaven? The Christian Dilemma.

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Growing up in a small southwestern town with a church on every corner circa 1950s leaves a lot of room for religious confusion. We had our First Baptists, our Calvary Baptists a block away,our Church of Christ, our Church of God, our Seventh Day Adventists, our Methodists, our Presbyterians, and our Mexican Church….Catholics. I’m reasonably sure there were others scattered around that I don’t remember.

I do recall something of a family crisis when my oldest sister went with a friend to a ‘holy roller’ church. Traumatized the hell out of her, and she got baptized all in one fell swoop. I’ve often thought that might have been a piece of what led her to being the goody-two-shoes tattletale teachers pet holier-than-thou hypocrite she was all the remainder of her life I knew her.

But I’ve digressed.

My mother and step-dad were married in 1948 in the Church of Christ. So as a pre-schooler I went to Vacation Bible School there. Then, for reasons I never knew, we changed to the Calvary Baptist Church a while. Then the First Baptist Church. I never felt comfortable in either of those Baptist churches. They’d pass around grape juice and crackers that made my mouth water, but I never got any. I wasn’t baptized.

Then there came a day when I was in the fourth grade when my parents decided they wanted to change again and become Presbyterians. There came a knock on the door and Brother Doyle, preacher for the Baptists asked if he could come in.

“No I don’t want to sit.” The veins were bulging out of his scarlet face. “What’s this about you leaving the church?”

My mom explained quietly, and Brother Doyle began to shout and pace around the living room. Eventually my mom asked him to leave, but he just got louder, waving his arms around. “I WON’T SEE you there! You and your family will burn in HELL!”

I was unsettled watching all this, but my mom got angry and demanded he leave. “I won’t be seeing you there!” He kept shouting.

So my mom picked up the phone and dialed my step-dad at work. Explained it all while Brother Doyle kept stomping around, pointing at me, waving is arms around, veins bulging out all over his face.

Until Charlie, my step-dad arrived and told him to get the hell out.

Presbyterians seemed fairly low-key by comparison. No fire in their bellies. When they baptized people they just sprinkled a little water on their heads quietly. But of course, deep down, I knew those Presbyterians weren’t ever getting into heaven with that sort of wimpy foolishness going on.

So you can see, I had a lot of exposure to religion in my life. But I never got Baptized, and eventually I came to know I was sure as hell not a Christian.

I’d rather spend eternity in hell than in heaven with Brother Doyle and his ilk.

But of course, I don’t happen to believe in hell. Though I count myself a spiritual and to the extent I’m able, a righteous man.

Maybe I’ll write some more about this sometime.

Old Jules

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Return of the neighborhood church

Olathe Community Theater Association - one block east, currently  the eastern extremity of my attempts to walk somewhere.  Easternmost bastion of artsy fartsyism from where I live and breathe.

Olathe Community Theater Association today. But for half-cenury it was a neighborhood Presbyterian Church serving an area of seemingly small town neighborhoods.

 

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Rebirth of the neighborhood church.

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Eastern Churches have always had a slightly different twist visually.

Eastern Churches have always had a slightly different twist visually.

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Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a  read.

Heck, I don’t know what else to day.

Old Jules

The First Church of Infanticide as a Chinese import

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by.

Even though the Biblical story of Abraham explicitly gives Jewish, Christian and Muslim parents the right to kill their children when God, or Old Sol instructs them to do it, many are surprisingly reluctant.  Christians, Jews and Muslims have all exercised a lot of circumspection on the issue.  No lawsuits have been filed contesting the right of government to forbid them to kill their kids when mandated by God, or Old Sol to do it.

Which probably happens a lot more frequently than anyone would imagine. 

However, a new faction of the Judeo-Christian-Muslim panorama has evolved in China applying the Abraham Mandate, but bypassing or rejecting everything related to Biblical Doctrine unrelated to the story of Abraham.  Initial surveys of parents inside the US suggest the new Church will be enthusiastically welcomed.

Chinese exporters and US importers agree the new denomination of Judeo-Christianity should prove a real moneymaker.  CDs and flash drives containing the voices of God, Old Sol, and even various pagan deities ordering parents to sacrifice their children are already being prepared to be sold in houses of worship.

The advantage to this new religion/financial opportunity is that all profits are tax-exempt, all prophets are welcome, and cottage industries in local communities turning out their own CDs and flash drives can easily be incorporated into local economies.

Old Jules