Ask Old Jules: Handling disrespect, Being nice, Scrapping old beliefs

Harper, TX 2010 079

Old Jules, should disrespect be tackled or accepted?
If tackled, how? If accepted, how do you cope?

Any disrespect I discover for myself I tackle. Disrespect by others is meaningless and not worthy of my attention, my energy, my time.

My tactic is self-examination and identification where I find disrespect for some facet of myself.

As for others: I don’t have enough respect for the opinions of others to bother nor to care what they might think.

If what they think is true, or real, it’s for me to discover in myself and decide whether I prefer it or wish to change it.

If [far more likely] it’s their biases and stupidity projected in the form of communication, I don’t have time for it.

Old Jules, are you a nice person to other people?

I’m generally courteous and walk around with a smile, nodding to men I pass in a store or parking lot, winking at the women if I meet their eye. I tip 15-20 percent and am always friendly to waiters, waitresses and store clerks. I don’t complain to them about things they have no control over.

But I’m not nice. I’m a hard bargaining person when the occasion calls for it.

And when a man I nod a greeting to looks away or sneers, as frequently happens, I usually grin and tell him quietly, “Don’t you be saying ‘hi’ to me now! No telling what I might be up to.”

Old Jules, how can I completely scrap the belief that “You need another to complete you”?  I believe Disney enforced this. But how can I actually go about the habit of truly being content with being with myself and enjoying my things?

It’s a major hurdle and not an easy one. Those who’ve done it usually aren’t entirely sure how they managed it. Solitude helps, learning to live with yourself in your own essence helps. Keeping your boundaries small helps, recognizing what’s ‘your business’ and what isn’t helps [defining it with precision]. And disciplining yourself to respect the fact you can’t own and can’t even influence much about another person (and that it would be inappropriate to want to) and absolutely have no wish to be owned, certainly not to be influenced.

Recognizing we’re all seriously flawed and that you won’t find anyone who isn’t also helps.

Good luck.

Old Jules, which would you choose, to serve in heaven or to reign in hell?

If Christians, Muslims and Jews are in heaven I’ll dance all the way to hell and celebrate ever after. Call it reigning there if it suits you. A pauper in hell who doesn’t have to put up with religious fanatics is a great improvement over just being a monarch.


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