Ask Old Jules: Relationship issues, Individual uniqueness, Life without purpose, Is life what you expected


Old Jules, do you think is it always One Man-One Woman (or other couple situations) or can we have a bunch of best friends in our life with whom we can share everything in our life?

Any relationship not involving ownership and dependency would be an improvement in my opinion. My personal view is that most male/female relationships get serious a bit prematurely and that sets of unspoken expectations result. Assumed agreements never agreed to by both parties, frequently never even verbalized, which eventually lead to accusations, misunderstandings, more unspoken resentments and guilt.

I think human beings would do better in relationships if they sat down when they saw something serious coming down the pike, each carefully thinking through how much and what he/she expects of a partner in a meaningful relationship, writes it down and thoroughly discusses every aspect and nuance, short-term and long term.

Probably even something in the form of a written contract each can draw out in future times, examine what he/she actually agreed to and whether behavior has actually fallen short of it, or whether ex-post-facto expectations have crept in and become a source of problems.

Of the countless failed relationships I’ve observed [and experienced] over the past decades I believe most wouldn’t have developed at all beyond something temporary and pleasant, or wouldn’t have failed eventually had this been part of the early process.

But I’ve also observed that during the early stages both sides are hiding, holding back, avoiding all manner of matters and expectations which will later become important. Tacit dishonesty based on the ‘I don’t like this about him/her, but I’ll work on changing him/her after he/she is ‘hooked’.

Though probably nobody consciously comes out and directly articulates it to himself/herself.

Old Jules, what’s something unique and strange that makes you, you?

I’m a hermit getting along towards 70 years old living in the middle of nowhere in Texas. I talk to my large flock of free ranging chickens and my four cats. I don’t listen to the radio, don’t have a television, and I once almost went an entire presidential term without knowing who was prez. I became a private pilot by buying an airplane, hiring an instructor, firing him when I got sick of his antics and soloing myself. I had more than 500 hours logged before I ever applied to take an FAA test ride and get a license.

Old Jules, why should I live a life without purpose or happiness?
For a non-drinker the phrase, “You never water good whiskey down,” is meaningless.

I don’t drink much but on special occasions I enjoy a shot of sipping whiskey.
If there’s a reason you should live your life without purpose or happiness it might be because you eventually discover you’ve been watering down good whiskey and all you need to do is take it straight and sip.

Old Jules, has your life been what you expected? If not, in the end does it really matter?

I don’t believe I could have ever imagined much of it ahead of time, but it’s a smile and it’s been a constant adventure. When people talk about being bored I file it away as something to look into next lifetime to see if it’s as interesting as not being bored.

I don’t believe anything about this lifetime is going to end unless I manage to figure out how to do it right so’s I don’t get into the same set of challenges next time around. The prospect gives me a strong motive.

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