Powdered Horse Milk

Good morning readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

After I finished my morning download ritual this morning and prepared to go outdoors to bring up Old Sol and turn out the chickens I checked Ask Old Jules Biggest Regret? to see which of my brainstorms of the past she’s picked for the day.  I take a lot of things about myself for granted and occasionally one of my answers rattles me a bit, gets me asking questions about me and what makes me tick.  This morning is one of those.

Sitting out there under the tree I found myself asking, “What in the dickens is wrong with me that I feel so content and can’t come up with anything to regret?  It ain’t as though I haven’t gone the last mile to assure myself of plenty any sane person would prefer to be otherwise.”

I can’t guess how many people live the way I do, close to the cuff, physically having to force myself to maintain a comfort range that includes whatever the Universe tossed my way.  Probably a lot do in the poorer countries, but likely not too many within the boundaries of the US.  But when I see some evidence of them, I generally find myself on the edge of feeling sorry for them.

But meanwhile, I’m about as content, almost euphoric about my own life most of the time as a person could be.  Yeah, there are nagging things need doing, need changing, forever being pushed forward in time for one reason or another because of limited options.  But they whisper from the wings and mostly I don’t pay them any mind.

“Would I like, or trust someone like me if I came across him?”  That’s what I finally found myself asking.    And the answer’s a bit confusing to me.  “No,” I’m forced to admit, “I probably wouldn’t.   How the hell could you trust someone like that? “

“So, do you want to change it?”

“I’d hate to.  I’m more-or-less fond of being happy.  But it might be better to cultivate some regrets, some yank-your-heart-out-things I wish I’d done differently.  This satisfaction thing can be taken too far.”

Cultivating regrets, yearnings, deep feelings of loss might just be what it takes to live a life of fulfillment.  It would open the door to finding things to be scared of, frightened they’d happen.  Angry because they did, or didn’t.

Old Jules



16 responses to “Powdered Horse Milk

  1. The modern world holds many distractions. Many hold these distractions as necessities, but they really aren’t. They are luxuries that distract people from introspection which might lead to “[c]ultivating regrets, yearnings, deep feelings of loss” because they already fear what they may find.

    My wife and I have been working on simplifying our lives for the past few years. We have been identifying and eliminating meaningless things. We have not simplified to the degree you have, but it has been a rewarding process. There are some that think we have become anti-social, but we have simply eliminated some meaningless relationships (which could be the subject of an entire post.) Nevertheless, this “simplifying” may have much to do with why I enjoy your blog.

    I do not always agree with you, but it often doesn’t seem to matter whether I agree or disagree; you have an interesting perspective. You write about somethings that I am not necessarily very familiar with, but you often manage to elicit at least a smile from me. However, this post makes me think that we may have something more in common.

    Some people say that we can only “play the hand we are dealt.” I think that often we are actually playing the hand we dealt ourselves, and it sounds like you may be saying something similar. Perhaps, if people stopped being so distracted, and stopped complaining about the hand they dealt themselves (but blaming someone else), then I might not seem “anti-social.”

    Thanks for being who you are, Jules, and thanks for being real.

    • Morning Steve. Thanks for coming by. I’d guess we’re both playing in the same ballpark, but maybe different games, me shooting craps behind the concession stand, you taking a run at a goal-post with a ball of one sort or another. But as you’ve said, it almost certainly doesn’t matter.

      In fact, I can’t fathom any way the world will be better off whether I shoot craps or you make it to the goal with the ball. Or if we switch games and I ran with the ball and you shot craps. If you and I were in total agreement about everything we could think of there’d just be two people who thought the same way instead of one, with the world looking about as it did before we agreed.

      I appreciate your remarks. Gracias, Jules

  2. I tackle “balance” issues of my modern life daily.

  3. You’ve made it where most of the world would like to be but can’t let go of the things they think make them happy. Cool, Old J.

  4. Nothing wrong with being content in who you are. It would be a terrible trial to waste my life trying to be someone I’m not. I’m not sure but it seems like that’s where regret might flourish. Great post.

  5. You remind me of one of my favorite Bible verses, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:10-12. I think that’s why I enjoy your blogs so much. I have so many more creature comforts than you do and yet you are the one most content with their circumstances.
    BTW…Love the song, but like Edith’s version better.

  6. The more my memory fails me the less regrets I have.

  7. I understand contentment. That’s in spite of having plenty of regrets, scars on my soul from where I’ve hurt others needlessly. It makes me a little more careful, because I honestly like people. Perhaps we’re using the word “regret” differently.

    • Hi Ed. Maybe we are. I’m not honestly able to reconstruct things to the kind of level required for deciding what I did that was necessary, and how much hurting was their choice, how much was my doing. The one incident I’d be most justified regretting, most prone to regret, heck, I can’t at all. A person backs someone into a corner deliberately with intent to do the worst he could and gets himself a punched ticket he didn’t anticipate the ticket-puncher might feel a lot of guilt about it, or he mightn’t. I don’t. There aren’t any horses need stealing, but there are probably enough tickets need punching to make a full time job of it for someone. Gracias, Jules

  8. Screw regrets. The real ones, that is, not the I-didn-;tget-to-bed-Marilyn-kind.. Look forward not back. Why the hell are so many of us nervous that we are actually happy or content? Don’t you think you deserve to be? Screw that that. Life’s too short.

    • LCTC!: I’m not discontented about being content. Nothing along those lines. I don’t think it’s something I could deserve, or not deserve. Just happens to be what is. Gracias, Jules

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