Me: “Okay Tabby. This has gone on long enough. Time we had a heart-to-heart about whatever’s bothering you.”
Tabby: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Me: “That’s obvious enough. But the fact is, I’m holding all the cards. We’re going to work this out, or you’re going to find yourself out of a job.”
Tabby: “I knew it was going to come to that. You’ve never liked me.”
Me: “Well, it’s true I didn’t pick you to be part of the clan. You’ve never been one I’d have deliberately selected. But I’ve tried my best to be dishonest about it consistently and not show it.”
Tabby: “The other cats have never liked me, never accepted me.”
Me: “Yeah, you’ve bullied them and they’ve bullied you. I’ve had to pull you off Niaid, and I’ve had to pull Hydrox off you. I’ve tried not to show a preference. I even used to have to pull you off Shiva, your own mother.
“But I’ve also held you upside down, sweet talked you, petted you, treated you as affectionately as all the rest of them were treated anytime you’d allow it. You quit allowing it. I didn’t quit trying.”
Tabby: “That’s because I finally realized you’re a liar. That you were being dishonest. That you really don’t like me at all.”
Me: “Yeah, but I’ve been consistently dishonest. I’ve tried to hide the fact I don’t like you much during those times I didn’t and I worked hard at liking you. If you want to stay around here and be a part of the ‘us’, Hydrox, Niaid, you and me, you’re going to have to trust me to keep on being dishonest.”
Tabby: “I’m not sure I can do that.”
Me: “If you can’t you stand a good shot at me starting to be honest. I’m an old Jellicle cat man from ‘way back. You’re a Tabby. I learned to love your mom, even though she’s a Tabby. I’ll keep working at it, and meanwhile I’ll keep being dishonest. But don’t push it too far. The clock’s running.”
So Far From Heaven 