Daily Archives: July 25, 2013

At least nobody calls us the Great Satan

Hi readers.

We followers and practitioners of the older, more traditional, more mature and simpler stone and copper age religions are frequently scorned and ridiculed by followers of the younger bronze and iron age religions.  But I’ve never known it to go further than that.  Who ever heard of anyone getting burned at the stake for praying the sun up, or praying the moon up?

Fact is, once the later religions got going well they were too busy killing one another off to bother with anything as simple and harmless as sun worship.  They had important matters of nuance, doctrine, hair-trigger ‘kill-them-all-and-let-God-sort-them-out’ heresies.

Iron age Christians frequently refer to Catholics, for instance, as ‘the Great Satan’.  Iron age Muslims, similarly often refer to Christians as the Great Satan.  Nobody’s ever been called the Great Satan for praying up the sun in the morning and down at night.

Bronze age Hebrews, meanwhile, were slaughtered and dispersed from the Middle East by bronze age Romans following a hybridized bronze age religion.  After which the bronze age Hebrews were accused of killing Christ and treated as criminals and worse throughout Europe and Russia for 2000 years.

Nobody ever accused anyone who prays the sun up in the morning and down at night of killing Jesus.  Nobody ever ran sun worshipers out of any country I can think of.

Fact is, though, someone should do something about the damned moon worshipers.  Those people really piss me off.

Old Jules

The right tool for the right job

Hi readers.

If the Kennedy brothers had owned a floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool when they attempted to get Vice President Lyndon Johnson assassinated every president then-until-now would have been named Kennedy and the Vietnam War would still be raging.

Okay, those inflated rear tires are on the ground, though somewhat wokkyjawed.  I’m having to skid the wheels sideways into place tightening the lugbolts with a cheater bar.  Couldn’t get the truck quite high enough to leave any room for doubt between them and the ground, so I’m punting.  Lots of good friction but nothing a cheater bar can’t handle.

But at least the whole shebang can’t come down on the brake drum if the jacks collapse. [Parenthetically, two each two-ton hydraulic jacks can be used to lift a 5 ton RV if everything else goes right and  you are dumber than cluckshit enough to try it.]

Still breathing too hard to go back out to finish it off yet.  Got to get the lugs tightened the rest of the way, then get those two jacks lowered and out from underneath.  Then put the blowout on the spare tire rack and watch these black spots in front of my eyes to see if they’re just floaters, or whether I died a little while ago but haven’t achieved Nirvana.

Lessons learned:  A man needs a 3 ton floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool before he tries anything fancy.  If there are any Kennedys left alive I’m betting they already own some in case there’s another round of dynastic opportunity.  In fact, I’ll bet there’s a walk-in safe in the basement of the White House filled with floor jacks and impact tools.  In fact, I’ll bet somewhere there’s a National Defense Stockpile of floor jacks and impact tools controlled by Homeland Security.

Which is to say, sometime in the next year-or-three Hydrox, Niaid, Tabby and my humble ownself are gonna stick up a Harbor Freight wearing Richard Nixon masks and carrying 3/8 inch cordless drills.  Check out the SPECIALS flyers, then drag us a floor jack and impact tool out the front door at drillpoint.

Watch the evening news.

Old Jules

The conspiracy theory of mechanical advantage

Hi readers. 

I’m here to breathlessly tell you Paul Revere-like about a matter you might need to be aware of if you’re ever the target of God’s punishment.  Physicists, Rosicrucians, Illuminati, unreconstructed NAZIs, Zion Elders and other conspirators will try to convince you mechanical advantage is mere physics.  They lie.  It’s done to lure you into a false sense of uncertainty.

Mechanical advantage isn’t about moment, arm, fulcrums and all that other crap they try to fill your head with when you’re vulnerably youthful and open to big headedness.  Mechanical advantage is about heavy breathing, taking a lot of breaks and not giving yourself a damned coronary.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you you can’t rock a 5000 pound RV sitting on the ground with the wheels blocked and the emergency brake on, rock that mama with a long-enough cheater on a lug-bar.  You can practically roll the SOB over the blocks.

But also don’t be gullible enough to believe you can’t eventually break the lug nuts crack  CRACK CRACK.  Eventually far enough so’s you can turn them with a T Bar.  No matter what those people with their fancy impact tools thought when they put those tires on.

It ain’t about mechanical advantage, though.  It’s about taking a lot of breathers, not getting into any heart-stopping hurries.  It’s also about getting them loose enough so’s when that 5000 pounds is poised atop a 2-ton hydraulic jack with a 1-inch diameter knurled coin atop it, you don’t tip it over when you loosen the nuts the rest of the way.

Which is the next step in this conspiracy theory.  During that step I recommend the mantra, “Ahtay Malkuth Vegeverah Vegedula Layohhlum!”  [Four-two breathing if you can manage it]

Being punished by God can be a growth experience if a person holds his mouth right and he’s careful which God he’s going to allow to do the punishing. 

Old Jules

Old Sol’s sick of pointee-headed value judgements

The cats and I were out admiring the pre-dawn moon, gearing up to pray Old Sol up, when he confided some matters he didn’t wish to bring up with the full force of His wrath. 


UNDERWHELMING: Solar Cycle 24 is shaping up to be the weakest solar cycle in more than 50 years. In 2009, a panel of forecasters led by NOAA and NASA predicted a below-average peak. Now that Solar Max has arrived, however, it is even weaker than they expected. Look inside the yellow circle to see the shortfall:

It may be premature to declare Solar Cycle 24 underwhelming. Solar physicist Dean Pesnell of the Goddard Space Flight Center thinks Solar Cycle 24 is double peaked–and the second peak is yet to come. Also, weak solar cycles have been known to produce very strong flares. The strongest solar storm in recorded history, the Carrington Event of 1859, occurred during a relatively weak solar cycle like this one.

Old SolWhat is with you people?  I’ve got more things going on in heaven and earth than is dreamed of in your philosophy.

Me, Hydrox, Niaid and Tabby, chanting:  Think nothing of it yah-de-dah.  Just come on up over the horizon.  Yah-de-dah.

Old Sol:  Who the hell do you think you are saying it’s a lousy solar cycle.  I’ve got my good mornings and my bad mornings. 

Me, Hydrox, Niaid and Tabby, chanting:  Think nothing of it yah-de-dah.  Just come on up over the horizon.  Yah-de-dah.

I’m keeping this in summary form because the WP text editor’s being controlled by the Illuminati, the Rosicrucians, the International Communist Conspiracy, the Mossad and the American Association of Astrophysicists.

Old Jules