The right tool for the right job

Hi readers.

If the Kennedy brothers had owned a floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool when they attempted to get Vice President Lyndon Johnson assassinated every president then-until-now would have been named Kennedy and the Vietnam War would still be raging.

Okay, those inflated rear tires are on the ground, though somewhat wokkyjawed.  I’m having to skid the wheels sideways into place tightening the lugbolts with a cheater bar.  Couldn’t get the truck quite high enough to leave any room for doubt between them and the ground, so I’m punting.  Lots of good friction but nothing a cheater bar can’t handle.

But at least the whole shebang can’t come down on the brake drum if the jacks collapse. [Parenthetically, two each two-ton hydraulic jacks can be used to lift a 5 ton RV if everything else goes right and  you are dumber than cluckshit enough to try it.]

Still breathing too hard to go back out to finish it off yet.  Got to get the lugs tightened the rest of the way, then get those two jacks lowered and out from underneath.  Then put the blowout on the spare tire rack and watch these black spots in front of my eyes to see if they’re just floaters, or whether I died a little while ago but haven’t achieved Nirvana.

Lessons learned:  A man needs a 3 ton floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool before he tries anything fancy.  If there are any Kennedys left alive I’m betting they already own some in case there’s another round of dynastic opportunity.  In fact, I’ll bet there’s a walk-in safe in the basement of the White House filled with floor jacks and impact tools.  In fact, I’ll bet somewhere there’s a National Defense Stockpile of floor jacks and impact tools controlled by Homeland Security.

Which is to say, sometime in the next year-or-three Hydrox, Niaid, Tabby and my humble ownself are gonna stick up a Harbor Freight wearing Richard Nixon masks and carrying 3/8 inch cordless drills.  Check out the SPECIALS flyers, then drag us a floor jack and impact tool out the front door at drillpoint.

Watch the evening news.

Old Jules

11 responses to “The right tool for the right job

  1. I’ll be a devout evening news watcher. I’m sure the NSA is reading all my internet transmissions so I’m hoping they’re still neglecting yours.

    • elroyjones: If the NSA is reading blogs by the time they get to yours and mine they’ll have tumbled to enough really weird people to be glad for something normal. Gracias, J

  2. I’m in!

  3. And my drill has one of those little light thingies; it’s not red, it’s blue, so that’ll just add to their confusion and give us more getaway time.

    • You have the Nixon masks and cats, Ann? If it appears they’ve got you just reverse the drill on them and make a citizen arrest. Anyone gives you any trouble, tell’em you know me. Good luck. J

  4. So, I have a choice and almost enough money to buy a Ryobi drill and the power packs that go with them. The choice is a regular drill or 10 bucks or so more an impact drill. Color me clueless.

    • Hi Diane. I’ve got several Ryobi drills around here that became future stickup weaponry when the batteries went defunct. Buying new batteries was more expensive than buying new drills. I finally decided old fashioned corded drills makes more sense for me. Cheaper and they last forever.

      As for the impact tool, if you’re going to use it for screwing nuts onto bolts or for taking them off a lot of people think they’re better than drills ….. it’s possible to burn out a drill or twist off a nut if you don’t adjust the settings, and an impact tool hits-lets-go-hits-lets-go in such a way it’s better breaking loose nuts frozen by time. I think a drill’s a better all-round tool, but an impact wrench, even a small diameter one, would be good to have for some jobs. But for taking off lug nuts for changing tires, the impact tool’s the tool of choice. Good luck. J

  5. There’s only one Kennedy left from that First Family, Caroline. She’s just been appointed as Ambassador to Japan. I don’t think she can do much mischief there.

  6. Swabby: It’s an ill wind that blows no good. J

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