If the Kennedy brothers had owned a floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool when they attempted to get Vice President Lyndon Johnson assassinated every president then-until-now would have been named Kennedy and the Vietnam War would still be raging.
Okay, those inflated rear tires are on the ground, though somewhat wokkyjawed. I’m having to skid the wheels sideways into place tightening the lugbolts with a cheater bar. Couldn’t get the truck quite high enough to leave any room for doubt between them and the ground, so I’m punting. Lots of good friction but nothing a cheater bar can’t handle.
But at least the whole shebang can’t come down on the brake drum if the jacks collapse. [Parenthetically, two each two-ton hydraulic jacks can be used to lift a 5 ton RV if everything else goes right and you are dumber than cluckshit enough to try it.]
Still breathing too hard to go back out to finish it off yet. Got to get the lugs tightened the rest of the way, then get those two jacks lowered and out from underneath. Then put the blowout on the spare tire rack and watch these black spots in front of my eyes to see if they’re just floaters, or whether I died a little while ago but haven’t achieved Nirvana.
Lessons learned: A man needs a 3 ton floor jack and a half-inch drive impact tool before he tries anything fancy. If there are any Kennedys left alive I’m betting they already own some in case there’s another round of dynastic opportunity. In fact, I’ll bet there’s a walk-in safe in the basement of the White House filled with floor jacks and impact tools. In fact, I’ll bet somewhere there’s a National Defense Stockpile of floor jacks and impact tools controlled by Homeland Security.
Which is to say, sometime in the next year-or-three Hydrox, Niaid, Tabby and my humble ownself are gonna stick up a Harbor Freight wearing Richard Nixon masks and carrying 3/8 inch cordless drills. Check out the SPECIALS flyers, then drag us a floor jack and impact tool out the front door at drillpoint.
Watch the evening news.