Ponderings for the idle mind


I was sitting on the john the other day and began wondering how many rolls of toilet paper I’ve been through in my life. Got to figuring it out in my head based on a roll every two weeks for 74 years roughly.

Comes out to almost 2000 rolls. Just think about that a moment.

Figure a roll is six inches high and six in diameter. it would take a middling size storage locker just to store it all if my parents had to buy it as soon as I got out of the hospital. And I’d have had to drag it around with me all my life in some sort of trailer, I suppose.

But of course as the years went by the amount of paper to haul behind me would have gradually diminished.    By now I’d be down to a manageable sized load, I expect.

Gosh, I wonder if I could know how much longer I am going to live by counting how many rolls are left?

Something to think about if you forgot to bring in something to read.

Old Jules

34 responses to “Ponderings for the idle mind

  1. This is great. (but I just ran out of toilet paper this morning). I am doomed.

  2. The flow of shit paper over a lifetime may be an important measure of the idle thoughts that occur. I bet many incredible epiphanies have occurred during this bastion of idle contemplation. They say the guy who invented the wheel couldn’t have done it anywhere else!

    • I’ve never invented the wheel under those unique circumstances, but I usually had something to read. Old Jules

      • Maybe not, but truly insightful people use this liberating process that is both disgusting and relieving to balance the Mind! It’s like a sacred ritual we all can access. Great minds and lesser minds alike!

        • It’s definitely a behavior we all share. Something a family, should it choose to do so, could do together. For some reason your comment reminds me of a poem I wrote a couple of decades ago:

          the great escape

          Call yourself a cop
          I’ll call myself a robber
          Corner me in an outhouse
          Call in your backups
          Talk to me through bullhorns

          “Come out with your hands up
          We know you’re in there
          Watching flies strafe dust particles
          In sunlight shafts
          Savoring the odor and the old news

          “Come out or we’ll come in after you”

          Tension builds. No answer.
          Anti-climax admin hero makes a perfect icon
          Of an eyeball peeking through a knot hole.

          I’ve escaped
          Down through the hole
          Into the real world

          From Poems of the New Old West Copyright©2003 Jack Purcell

          • Having a good dump in the bible was called purifying yourself! And a good mental and spiritual shit compliments the physical accomplishment!

          • I can’t speak to that. I never read the Bible in the john. Gracias, Old Jules

          • Spiritual constipation?

          • No. I don’t actually possess a physical copy of the Bible. I have a computer program with every translation and concordance you can imagine and tend to use it when I am in the mood to read the Bible. It is worth it to have direct translations of the ancient texts ….

          • There are a lot of contradicting texts. So the one you read depends on the objectives of the translators! It’s pretty much what we now call marketing and spin!

          • I’m familiar with the concept.

          • It seems to me the texts reveal human activity and not divine knowledge!

          • Enough people consider that a jest! But I know you are never the least bit ambiguous, so shame on new!

          • If you were going to be totally unequivocal Jules, then you should lay it all out in one all defining, conclusive post that would leave no ambiguity about what you believe! Do it all in one epic defining culmination of your position, and then retire forever from writing!

          • My spiritual beliefs are the business of nobody but me. But I appreciate the advice. Old Jules

          • Surely you jest?

          • I pray old Sol up every morning and down every evening. I’m surprised you haven’t read the blogs I’ve written about it. Insofar as other spiritual pursuits, I rarely confide them to blog readers. I’m not evangelical and am completely comfortable in my entire pantheon of spiritual beliefs. If you do a search on the blog page you’ll discover many times I’ve mentioned in my posts various aspects of praying up old Sol, or praying him down nights.

          • I don’t take you serious enough to mine through all your posts like they were all gold or something. So it’s not as uprise to me, but it might be to someone who takes them self way too seriously!
            I might entertain ideas but that doesn’t mean I bet my soul on them or my sol on them either!

          • We humans are definitely prone to take ourselves too seriously. And probably our religious convictions, too. Which is the reason I am always careful to take my own spiritual convictions just the exact precisely right amount of seriously. By all means, I’d not wish you to go rifling through the past posts trying to nail down my dedication to Old Sol in hopes of becoming more like me. It would never work, because to be quite frank, there’s only room for one of me living on the planet at any given time. Once I’m dead you can join all the others and apply, however. Hopefully this clears up my ambiguities you find annoying. Gracias, Old Jules

          • And only then could the rest of us give up writing because Jules had defined everything to perfection! Hallelujah and Amen!

  3. wella jules life is like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end the faster it spins. heard that at a funeral once.

    On Thu, Feb 8, 2018 at 12:07 PM, So Far From Heaven wrote:

    > Old Jules posted: ” I was sitting on the john the other day and began > wondering how many rolls of toilet paper I’ve been through in my life. Got > to figuring it out in my head based on a roll every two weeks for 74 years > roughly. Comes out to almost 2000 rolls. Just thin” >

  4. Like minds and all … I not only wonder about toilet paper (and being a woman, you can be sure my total is over triple yours), but just waste in general. The paper, plastic, even the food we consume is just mind-boggling in its volume. Multiply THAT by billions and that humans, with all their smarts, have not figured out a way to collectively live more sustainably on Planet Earth virtually guarantees our extinction. On a lighter note, have a great weekend! 😀

    • Thanks Bela. When I was preparing to watch Life As We Know It end back December 31, 1999, in a cabin on the Continental Divide one of the things I was particularly conscious of storing was toilet paper. Took me about five years to use it all up. Anyway, the problem seems to me that we humans are happy to talk about the coming disaster as a consequence of carbon footprints, plastics, mineral depletion, everything except population numbers. And nothing we can do will save us unless we figure out a way to neutralize and eventually reduce the human population. We are doomed, I reckons. Gracias and have a great dog. Old Jules

  5. How do Sears catalogs figure in roll count? They were the paper of choice in our outdoor toilet long ago.

  6. I wonder if knowing how long the line of rolls left is, would shorten the length of those rolls.

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