Jack wrote this in December, 2005:
Some of you are too young to remember why microwave ovens and electricity were invented. It’s a fact worth knowing.
The pioneers, when they invented this country, lived mostly in dugouts. Dugout canoes in the summer, dugout houses in the winter. Those winters tended to get them cold on their backsides and necks. So they started growing wheat, milo maize, rice, to try heating up and putting in some warm container to throw around their necks to try to keep warm.
They tried all manner of containers, those cold-natured ancestors of ours. Tried skinning rabbits and sewing up grain inside the hides, but it didn’t take any time at all before the only benefit they were getting from it was the smell of burning hair. So they invented sweat socks to put it in.
But they needed a way to heat it up without burning it, so they invented microwave ovens. Trouble was, the microwaves sat there for generations full of sweatsox waiting for electricity to be invented.
Then along came Nicoli Tesla Edison with the solution.
So nowadays all you have to do is plug that mama in, that microwave, shove in a sweat sock full of grain, run it about five minutes, and you have a thingamabob you can drape around your neck when it’s cold, or stiff, or for when the old shoulder’s reminding you of a motorcycle that wrapped itself around a tree 40 years ago, and you can toss in another one for putting at the foot of your blankets to give the cats a place to get hacked off when you throw them off it and go to bed.
Got two of them in that microwave right this very moment.
Thankee universe for nicola tesla edison and joseph h. microwave and their yankee ingenuity inventions. And thankee universe for joseph cotton’s development of sweatsocks. Also Horatio Milo, the developer of Milo Maize.
We lucky to have this universe to provide such blessings.