Thoughts About Relationship Issues

Most of this is from the Q/A site where the Ask Old Jules questions come from.

Guys what do you honestly want from a relationship/marriage?

Nobody wants the same things. I’m approaching 70 times around the sun and one of the things I’d do differently is sit down with individuals going into relationships with me and discuss thoroughly what expectations each had, the stuff that goes without saying, the “assumed” stuff. I’d want to know and communicate the minimums, the maximums, the bottom lines.

But nobody ever does. Asking strangers in the genre won’t help. Some of us gotta have someone beat us, tie us up, some of us want drugs, money, rock and roll. Some want to eat popcorn and stare at a TV all day picking our noses. We’re all different.

I left a lot of unhappy women along my back trail and I have fond memories of all of them. If I was the sort of person worries about such things I’d think they didn’t do themselves a favor by spending months and years with me as a primary piece of their lives telling me how much they loved me, valued me how great I was, but carrying bitterness or hatred after I left. I think they’re laying aside something they loved at the time in favor of retrospectively hating it and me.

Maybe they’d feel better about it afterward if we’d put it all down on paper ahead of time and each signed it. I never made a secret of my intentions. The secret was they believed they could change me into something I wasn’t.


What you want is for you to decide in your own life. What anyone else thinks about it has zero value. What you think about the wants and needs of others is of zero significance.


Standards is a word with implied superiority, wisdom, morals. Treat it that way if you wish, but it’s horse manure for you to attempt to preach it on the streets.


Dependency relationships last as long as you put up with them. My main one lasted 25 years, me thinking I could fix it. When I finally left she blamed me for not giving her an ultimatum, said she didn’t realize how important it was for me. That’s been more than 20 years ago and I still puzzle over it (and still miss her good points).

Die early and avoid the fate.


Is there an age after which it’s pointless to bother with marriage?

I’d say 16 would be a good age to begin the comprehension, but it took me until I was almost 50. That approaches two decades of finding out a lot of women haven’t realized it yet.


Depends on what both members of a relationship openly agree ahead of time to have expected of them and live up to. There’s no “normal” tacit agreement until it’s agreed to by both parties.

All this moralizing is about moralizing. It isn’t about reality and fleshed out characters. It’s about how the people answering hope it will be in their own lives measured by their own values, then extended outward by default as how everything should be for everyone so’s to make anything else unacceptable (down in the microscopic environment of their own lives and heads).


My personal experience with married women (I wasn’t married to) was that they loved telling me in a motel bed after sex all the things they hated about their husbands, his inadequacies, his most personal traits I didn’t want to hear.

But that’s only about 100 women, plus or minus. Probably some who didn’t go to bed with me were different.


A long relationship is 20 years. A relationship less than five years is a lark.

Leave the fling behind you and learn from it. If you feel lost it’s because you had a dependency relationship and you need to do some self-examination before hooking yourself onto someone else to sponge drama and a life from.


Bringing home dvds and toys?

I don’t have a partner, but if I stood to get one of those digital microscopes with a usb to plug into the comp they sell as being educational for kids, I’d consider it a beginning of a long relationship. Followed up with a DVD of Doctor Strangelove I’d consider a temporary long relationship.

Why is marriage so important? Marriage is a key relationship in our lives. What are three good reasons this is true?

People love dependency relationships
People love drama
People owe it to the kids to have marriages, mama and papa, one each


Is marriage an unnecessary risk?

I think it’s a waste and a self-destructive dependency relationship involving two people. Risk isn’t included in the mix. Whatever happens is just part of the rest.


30ish is one of those crucial ages when women wake up and discover they’ve been stuck with decisions they were too young to make when they made them.

No reflection on you. You were too young, also.


If spouse cheats it’s your fault?

What your spouse does isn’t a statement about you (and sometimes not about him). It’s a statement about a relationship that’s out of balance one way or another, one that doesn’t fit. Nature hates anything out of balance and individuals behave the ways they’re driven by nature. Mostly, anyway, especially when they’re young and the hormones are raging.


Ideal age woman for a 25 year old guy?

The simple fact is you need to find a woman of 40 who might be able to put up with you. When she ditches you get another one of the same age until you get there and one keeps you.

Wasting time with a woman under 40 is playing with worthless toys that carry a scorpion sting without being able to give you any wisdom you wouldn’t find for yourself.


I was married for 25 years. The far too many women over the succeeding 20 or so years might have each still been in my life if it weren’t for the marriage issue. I never intend to marry again and I make no secret of it. But almost everyone of them secretely thought I’d change my mind. Made themselves miserable convincing themselves I did them a disservice by not doing what I carefully told them up front I wouldn’t do.


Does a woman always need to climax before sex?

It helps. Multiples help. A partner who “listens” to the body of the woman and plays it the way a good musician plays an instrument helps.

It ain’t worth the price of admission if you aren’t sending her through the ceiling.



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