Me: How’s the hammer hanging this morning, big guy? You ready to rock and roll? Ready to kick some serious ass of darkness?
Old Sol: Depends on the part of the spectrum you’re referring to. I imagine where you’re standing it’s the impression you’ll be left with.
Me: Cool. Hey, while I’m thinking about it, been intending to ask you about this a couple of days. About all this sneaky pinching and feeling around on Mama Earth’s magnetic field every eight minutes . . .[Flux Transfer Event Topology]
Old Sol: Hold on just a minute there, Bubba. Just because you took so long noticing doesn’t mean I’ve been hiding anything. Nothing illicit, surreptitious going on at all.
Me: Okay. Forget I said that part. But We, and I think I speak for everyone on the planet in asking this. We, I was going to say, are curious about a couple of things. First, what are you getting back out of it? Some sort of erotic feedback?
Old Sol: You need to get your mind out of the gutter. First off, my relationship with your planet is strictly platonic. Free exchange of hmmm, not ideas, exactly, but something that rhymes with ideas on a somewhat larger scale.
Me: Yeah. So you say. But those little throbs every eight minutes don’t seem all that platonic to the disinterested observer. Is this connection, this rubbing around against one another something you just do with Earth? Or are you doing with the other objects you can reach, too?
Old Sol: Think about it before you start your holier than thou moralizing. Do you think I can resist a magnetic field anywhere close enough for me to feel it? I’ve been watching you long enough to know, when it comes to issues of resisting, you’ve got no more going for you than I have.
Me: We’re not talking about me here. Quit trying to dodge the issue. You got your pulsing little fingers out there on Jupiter, Neptune, Saturn, Uranus all the time, too? And what’s with the eight-minute thing?
Old Sol: Some are more satisfying than others, I’ll admit. Those crustal magnetic fields don’t give me much of a lift, but they can be a nice quickie. But there’s nothing like a good core magnetic field to wake up against on a cold morning. I’m an old renaissance star in a lot of ways. I can go either way, crustal, or core. Either way’s fairly celestial on my end of things. And nobody out there’s complaining, that I’ve heard.
Me: Mama Earth know about all this?
Old Sol: No. And don’t you go telling her about it, either.