The Whale and Dolphin People Project got me talking it over with the topcat around here.
Me: So, Hydrox, what’s your thinking on this thing of trying to save dolphins and whales by making people of them?
Hydrox: Does it concern you at all that if dolphins and whales began behaving like humans there wouldn’t be room in the oceans for any other species?
Me: Hell Hydrox. You know better than that. They’d starve.
Hydrox: Think about it a minute now. Try the perspective of a domestic cat. Back earlier than I can recall you cut my chorizos off so’s I wouldn’t be a part of what human beings think of as a cat-over population-problem. Same with the rest of that litter. When you protected all those chickens, both back in Y2K, and later here, killing coons, coyotes, skunks, you got an over-population problem. Meanwhile you humans, during my own feline lifetime, have possibly doubled your population. Does that tell you anything?
Me: I think I see where you’re going with this. What you aren’t taking into account is that we value human life. We don’t believe in going around cutting the nuts off human beings and clipping the whatchallits of our females. We rely on disease, war, hunger and other natural causes to keep our population down.
Hydrox: Does it occur to you that the natural forces aren’t doing the job? That the reason dolphins and whales need to be made into people so you can’t kill them legally might be going backward into the problem instead of approaching it head-on? For instance, if you really want to save those whales protecting them from humans by calling them humans would be a lot less likely to actually save them than calling Bubonic, Ebola, Cholera and whatever other disease you can invent ‘people’ and protecting them. Get rid of all those damned shots and pills and the whales will do fine just being whales.
Me: You’re saying …. hmm. You’re saying make diseases PEOPLE?
Hydrox: Actually I’m not. If you change the wording around a bit you’ll see what I’m saying about what’s a disease. Heck, if you could just find a disease that would kill off heart surgeons and fast food workers you could take care of a huge part of the problems of dolphins and whales through starvation and heart failures. Whale and dolphin people my ass! Tell those folks they’re human, convince them of it, and they’ll be beaching themselves into extinction! Maybe that’s already what’s causing them to beach themselves to death. Someone told them they’re people and they believed it.
Me: Seems to me we’ve got a failure here somewhere, to communicate.