Hi readers. I don’t know whether you’ve heard about this yet, or not, so I’ll fill you in.
The creatures on Zeta Trianguli Australis, HR3384, HR1925, Beta Trianguli Australis, 85 Pegasi, and Rho¹ Cancri are all really pissed off about how this Vietnam war just goes on and on. They’re all around 40 light years away, so the news on earth is a bit slow reaching them, but that ain’t their problem. That’s the problem created by earth scientists with their dumbass speed limits on radio and light waves.
Fact is, they’ve got creatures taking to the streets rioting about that war. Religious types setting themselves afire in protest. National Guardsmen on Pegasi who support the war even fired laser rifles at a bunch of college kids.
But that ain’t the worst of it. On Zeta Trianguli they’re all stirred up about President Richard Nixon and all the stuff he’s doing to get re-elected. Heck, they want the President of the US impeached!
What’s so terrible about it all is that creatures on some nearer locations are getting exercised about the Iran hostage crisis, thinking Jimmy Carter needs to do something about it. And down the road a little way they’re celebrating Ronald Reagan getting elected.
A bit closer in, those monster-looking creatures aren’t anywhere nearly so happy though, as the ones still dancing in the streets about Ronald Reagan’s trickle-down de-regulation policies and his proposals to sell off all the National Forests and BLM lands to real estate developers. Busting up the Air Traffic Controller Union.
No, those closer garden-slug-things with 16 eyes already went through that and it’s old news. For them it’s Bill Clinton using the CIA to bring hard drugs into a Federal airstrip in Arkansas, getting into all manner of real estate fraud scandals, and messing up the clothing of some White House clerk-typist.
There are insectoids fairly put out by that second Bush. And even though they’re fairly up-to-date, the intelligent grapevines on Alpha Centauri are fairly hacked about the wossname, BLM oil spill and this guy in the White House now.
I think you can see how this thing amounts to a crisis, and how the only people who can deal with it are the same people who created it. Scientists. Getting laws passed about how fast light and radio waves can travel.
That’s going to have to be changed. Get everyone singing from the same songbook.
But while we’re at it we probably ought to end the Vietnam War and get Tricky Dixon out of the White House.