Jack wrote this in October, 2005, as he was studying methods of winning the lottery:
I haven’t given up, but I can’t grasp what’s written.
I’ve read all the threads, read Tenaj’s blog backward and forward.
I can quote the Lottery Bible chapter and verse, except that one part in Proverbs that escapes me at the moment.
I can thump that Lottery Bible and let my zealotry sweep over the computer screen until my face turns purple and the veins on my forehead pop out and the sweat’s soaked the armpits of my white starched shirt if I had one and my neck bulges out of my collar, my tie hanging there like dead weight lying across that Lottery Bible.
But I don’t understand what it’s all about.
Lots of people understand it, it’s clear. Lots of people say they’re making money on it.
I go down the threads, the blog entries step by step, and I still don’t have a clue where the pointer numbers come from, the lead numbers. I see people ask the questions that are bouncing around inside my skull, and I wait patiently to see what answer will come.
Go read (my) (tenaj’s) blog, the answer will say.
So I frown, read the blog again, and say to myself, “I like to think I am a gullible person. For that reason, I hate it when I begin to suspect someone’s gulling me.” When I begin to suspect someone’s gulling me it means my gullibility is eroding, coming apart. Disintegrating. I hate that.
In this instance, I don’t think Tenaj is really gulling me, nor anyone else. Too many posters on LP understand what she’s talking about.
I think I’m just too damned stupid to understand. Some ways I’m a fairly smart feller. Other ways I’m marbled with stupidity. I think Tenaj is looking at something, understanding it perfectly, trying to explain it, trying to do LP posters the favor of sharing valuable info, and that the piece of my brain that information has to be processed in got tarred and feathered by a rock someone threw in a crowd in the ’70s, or a whack-upside it by my mom with a mop on one particular occasion, or the ground, or maybe it just spang never was there.
Maybe that piece of grey matter that I’d need to understand the Lottery Bible stuff just took one look at the reality it was about to spend a few decades processing, that fetus piece of brain just pulled in and said, “To hell with it! I ain’t going there!”.
I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m confused enough to make me question democracy.