God Pledges $5,000 For Cancer Research

News in BriefScience & TechnologyhealthcareNewsISSUE 50•28• Jul 17, 2014

THE HEAVENS—Expressing His hope that the contribution would assist efforts to find a cure for the devastating disease, the Lord Our God, Creator and Supreme Ruler of the Universe, confirmed Thursday that He had pledged $5,000 to the American Cancer Society to help fund ongoing research. “I have the means, so I can afford to give a little bit of money to support such an important cause,” said He Who Commanded Light to Shine Out of the Darkness, describing the contribution as “the very least [He] could do” in the fight against the disease that causes more than 8 million deaths annually. “Now, obviously a $5,000 donation isn’t going to just make the cure appear by itself. Clearly, there’s no magic bullet for this thing. But every little bit helps. And knowing I might be making a small difference in the life of some kid with leukemia or mom with breast cancer just makes me feel like I did my part.” The Divine Creator of Life, Heaven, and Earth told reporters that if the timing works out, He also plans to participate in a 10K benefit run for Hodgkin lymphoma this fall.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-pledges-5000-for-cancer-research,36486/

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4 responses to “God Pledges $5,000 For Cancer Research

  1. Not funny and much more complex than that. SIGH ~~~~


  2. Janis Joplin’s “Mercedes Benz”

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