Category Archives: 2013

Screwdrivers ain’t what they used to be

Posted on October 8, 2013 by | 8 comments

Hi readers. Thanks for coming by for a read this morning.

I spent most of the day yesterday trying to fix the rear door on this cargo trailer I swapped from Gale.  When he was backing it up an innocuous righteously small cedar tree got in the way and it poked a less-than-righteous hole in the door.  Easy enough to fix, thinks I.

But fixing it involved removing a lot of screws holding the door together, which revealed an engineering problem with the way the stop to hold the door open was installed when the trailer was built.  Some genius put it at the bottom of the door so’s everytime the door swung open and hit it, gradually it destroyed the structural member at the bottom of the door.

The long lever arm at the top of the door kept pushing when the bottom of the door stopped, and all that energy was transmitted to the bottom of the hinge every time the door experienced an uncontrolled swing to the stop.

Heluva deal.  The internal structure of the door at the bottom of the hinge is requiring some innovative changes, along with adding a new stop at the top to keep it from happening in the future. 

But naturally, that ain’t all.  The screws holding the entire skin together, the hinge attachment to the door and trailer, everywhere a screw is, involves screws with little star-shaped holes in them instead of hex-head, phillips, or flathead.

Ended up putting vice-grips on the heads to loosen them enough to twist them out.  Those I could get vice grips on.  But hell, me being the useless eater I am, it ain’t a big deal for a job to take two, three, four days that ought to take a couple of hours.

The cats don’t mind and the government’s shut down anyway.  Not much point doing anything exciting when the government’s shut down.

At least not until they shut it down long enough to force me to stick up banks to buy cat food and Smack Raman.   Seems the useless eaters in the White House and US Congress have decided useless eaters on Social Security pensions are up for grabs to be held hostage on whatever-the-hell it is they’re up to.

Never stuck up a bank, though I have done a good many other things in my life.  The cats and I are looking forward to expanding our horizons.

Old Jules

8 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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Mastering the empty gesture – how can regular people compete?

Posted on October 7, 2013 by | 4 comments

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by.

If you’re like me you probably spend a lot of time trying to come up with empty gestures you can use to create the illusion you’re doing something meaningful. 

Texas Thumb and Finger Signs

Naturally we all want to convey the impression to those around us that what we’re doing is important, and by extension, that we personally are important.  But regular people are trying to do something at home that really requires experts to pull off.

For instance, wossname, the guy in the White House right now, provides perfect examples we could follow if only we mastered the subtle nuances.

Obama walks to sandwich shop to try to win points on budget

Obama wades into debate over NFL Washington Redskins’ name

No, it isn’t just the White House.  Masters of the empty gesture are there in all levels of government robbing the macho of regular people:

Ohio says may seek execution drugs from compounding pharmacies

U.S. judge orders release of mentally ill Guantanamo prisoner

Citizens, limited by their own lack of training, experience and imaginations are reduced to the mundane, inane and vapid:

Women seek access to traditionally male-only Mormon gathering

Man who set himself on fire near monuments in Washington dies

The oppressive hoarding by government and politicians of empty gesture expertise has to end in our great land.  Our sainted ancestors fought hard throughout our history to provide us with empty gestures as a source of pride and accomplishment.  But today, who ever heard of the Boston Tea Party?

Back in the day we knew what empty gestures were down at grassroots levels.  We didn’t need any politicians and their one-upsmanship robbing our macho.

Old Jules

4 Comments

Posted in 2013, Adventure

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Name that species: competing space aliens – recognizing our breeders

Posted on October 7, 2013 by | 4 comments

Good morning readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

For reasons not fully understood two competing species of our space alien breeders are in a slugout over the mothballed NASA space shuttle launch site in Florida.  Evidently they’re after a backup plan to get the hell out of Dodge in case human beings become restive about being selectively bred for food.

This, of course, is of no consequence to most of us because we’re loyal to the general concept and do everything we can to cooperate with their goals.  We don’t know enough about the differences in the aliens to prefer one set over the other.

For that reason, the battle between the two species offers a rare opportunity to study and recognize subtle differences in appearance between the ones who prefer fat human meat in their diets, and those who enjoy the offspring of beefy football types joined with cheerleaders.

Notice the subtle differences.

These rare photos depict examples of the two species currently competing for the Get-the-hell-out-of-Dodge bolt hole NASA’s offering to lease.

As you can see, species #1 makes no attempt to disguise the fact hair doesn’t grow easily, whereas careful examination of species #2 at the hairline clearly shows the artificial surgical placement of entire scalp.  The eyes and lips are a dead giveaway to allow us to recognize the differences, as well.

But pay particular attention to the ears of species #1.  That ear was obviously taken from one of the food items after a certain amount of struggle, probably during the course of a meal.   Meanwhile, species #2 has natural ears that only needed trimming to allow for adequate disguise as human ears.

For we menu items the issue of which species gets the Space Shuttle launchpad is probably of no consequence.  But it does provide a means to better understand the sort of creatures we’ll end up providing sustenance for.

We are, after all, what we get eaten by.

Old Jules

4 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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Worthless eaters and functional economics

Posted on October 6, 2013 by | 4 comments
His functional net worth declined.

His functional net worth declined.

Hi readers. Thanks for coming by. The economic illusion we’ve been using to drive our lives is fragile and thin.  Practical, or functional economics is right there where it’s always been, waiting for a dysfunctional government to reveal it.

The practical, or functional worth of an individual as it applies to the real human condition is in what that individual produces, compared to what that same individual consumes.  A farmer who produces 20 tons of wheat in a year and only consumes the value of 10 tons has a practical worth of 10 tons of wheat.  A person who grows 50 beef cattle but only consumes the value of 49 beef cattle has a practical worth of one cow.

Same with hamburger flippers, though the hamburger flippers aren’t getting bonus credit for the secondary product of their profession, creating patients for heart surgeons.

And so on, reduced to its lowest common denominator.

Okay, so what about us useless eaters?  Insurance salesmen, congressmen and senators, presidents, CEOs, billionaires, and drug kingpins living down in the ghetto?  Retirees?  Professional military.   Party girls and celebrities.

Well, we’re all worth the same.  The amount of something we produce, minus what we consume.  We aren’t worth as much as a slum welfare mother who, at least, produces 13 children. 

For the moment, at least, the fabricated illusion is still holding together.  Even with a dysfunctional government ignoring the alternative reality.

But it’s still worth keeping in mind that we useless eaters are all pretty much of equal value when measured by practical or functional economic standards.  Whether we’re retirees, CEOs of multi-national banks, welfare mothers, or inheritors of the Colgate fortune.

Caves in Germany containing the remains of Cro Magnon people 43,000 show they kept their worthless eaters around during prosperous times.  But when times got bare they discovered a strange new respect for functional economics.

Maybe they eventually found themselves blessed with dysfunctional governments and multi-cave marketeers, besides their retirees.

Old Jules

4 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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Solving the US deficit spending crisis to develop better human beings as food

Posted on October 6, 2013 by | 4 comments

The proposal to resolve the US debt and deficit spending crisis by making 1 billion dollars last week worth 1 actual dollar next week has a lot of merit, by some standards.  The main one being it’s the only way the debt will ever actually get paid.

But there’s another strong argument in favor of it.  Once it’s done there’s absolutely no likelihood anyone’s gonna loan the people who do it anymore money.  Once it’s adopted the US will enter a bright new era of precisely balanced budge and spending practices.

It’s called ‘burning your credit cards’ in the private sector.

Naturally it will work some hardships on some people.  A loaf of bread costing $52 million, for instance, or a package of Raman worth $962 thousand  will slow down eating habits in some households. 

But in the end it will clear up the current debt and reduce accusations by space aliens that worldwide dominant species compulsive consumerism is interfering with their selective breeding programs. 

Breeding human beings to create more palatable cuisine for space aliens has to be the highest priority.  Temporary hardships among the breeding stock can’t be avoided.

Old Jules

4 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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Japan: “Send us your poor, your hungry and your trouble-makers”

Posted on October 6, 2013 by | 7 comments

Japan PM Seeks Overseas Help on Fukushima Leak

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory/japan-pm-seeks-overseas-fukushima-leak-20484958

At least the ones past the age of reproduction.

Watch for the ads appearing on Craigslist:  Employment Opportunity!  Temporary positions in exotic environment.  Rapid advancement for team players.  Apply now.

7 Comments

Posted in 2013, Adventure, America

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US Homeland Security Forces training in Arizona

Posted on October 6, 2013 by | 2 comments

This isn’t precisely them, but someone said Homeland Security’s doing it in some camp in Arizona or New Mexico.  This is probably a more-or-less accurate portrayal of them and how they’d appear if I actually had a photograph of them training, I figures.

Main reason for my thinking so is the abundance of enthusiasm and ammunition they’re blessed with.

Old Jules

It's comforting to think they're out there training to protect us from foreign terrorists.

It’s comforting to think they’re out there training to protect us from foreign terrorists.

2 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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Wild as a Texas blue norther

Posted on October 6, 2013 by | 6 comments

Hi readers. Thanks for coming by for a read.

This norther turned out to be not all that wild, but it spang brought the first taste of fall.  Caught me not knowing exactly where I’ve got my sleeping caps stored away.  Had to settle for a sweatsuit jacket with a hood.

Cats mostly stayed in the RV with me during the night, though they had to trip outdoors occasionally to make certain things were going okay out there.  Didn’t take them long to decide everything was hunkie dorie enough to scratch on the screen and trust to the Universe to protect things from the space aliens sneaking around out there.

Heluva a fine morning out there.  More stars than I’ve seen for a while, Orion and the Pleiades romancing.

The Toyota RV should be gone from here within the next few days, along with the old 4 Runner and the pickup-bed trailer, got a guy wants the chainlink dog-runs I used for a chicken pen, too.  Put my Toyota RV Onan generator up on Craigslist a few days ago, but it hasn’t drawn any excitement.  Might have to lower my expectations about the value of it.

ONAN RV generator sell or trade for Moped – $275 (Harper, Texas)

http://bigbend.craigslist.org/rvs/4111000059.html

So here I am being methodical about running off into the sunset, which represents something of a behavioral change for me.  But I’m getting a bit long in the tooth to be responding to the wild as a Texas blue norther side of my youthful character I’ve always tried to nurture.

I’m figuring by the end of October I’ll be somewhere I don’t need to be wild to still have a few challenges and healthy moments of self-doubt.

I still have to figure out some way of getting a mailing address in the neighborhood of the Texas/New Mexico boundary, which is probably going to be challenge enough for most usual purposes.

Old Jules

6 Comments

Posted in 2013, Adventure

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Pickin’ Up Beer Cans on the Highway

Posted on October 5, 2013 by | 2 comments

While I’m thinking about Homer Henderson and the Dalworthian Garden Boys I think I’d better go ahead and post this before I forget.

Homer Henderson – Pickin’ Up Beer Cans on the Highway

2 Comments

Posted in 2013, America

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The European circumcision crisis

Posted on October 5, 2013 by | 3 comments

Hi readers.  Thanks for coming by for a read.

Most of us probably go through life without doing a lot of thinking about circumcision.  I know I have, though I recall being fairly pleased I’d been through it as an infant when my old friend Vic had to have it done at the age of 30.

But in Europe I suppose someone decided just anyone ought not go around cutting the foreskins off male babies unless they’d had a bit of medical training.  They passed a law saying so.  Which thoroughly pissed off Israel, who pronounced it racist.  Evidently Jews and Arabs do it all the time and it’s worked out more-or-less okay.

I suppose if I had to choose and someone was going to take a knife to my pecker I’d rather they knew a little something about what they were doing, but I honestly don’t have a clue.  Mine might have gotten chewed off by a space alien for all I know.

Back in the 1960s there was a joke about a guy, said he got a job at a hospital as a circumcisor.  Said it paid 30 skins a week and a chance to get a head.

And during the ’70s Homer Henderson and the Dalworthian Garden Boys recorded a song, Hillbilly Pecker, about a kid who wasn’t circumcised.  Experienced some trauma when he discovered everyone else was.

HOMER HENDERSON Hillbilly Pecker .

But other than that I haven’t done much thinking about it.  Don’t know whether it’s racist, or not, just anyone taking a blade to a foreskin.

Likely there’ll be shots fired over it before the Europeans and Israel get it worked out.

Old Jules

3 Comments

Posted in 2013, Current Issues

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